Trauma Bonds that are developed in a narcissistic relationship:

Trauma bonds are a biological and emotional trap as it produces chemicals in the body such as cortisol and dopamine.  A trauma bond is made by the highs of the love-bombing stage and abruptly changing to the devaluation stage, creating a serious low. This continued cycle causes and imbalance to the bodies system. The inconsistency keeps people off balance and seeking to regain the high by going back to their abuser.

Hormones being released into the body help form the addiction.  High levels of cortisol a stress hormone is released into the body when the affection ends and then dopamine is released when affection is returned.  Seeking to regain the high the victim will try to win back the affection of their abuser.  People become addicted to the cycles of the chaos and drama which creates a bonding effect.  If this type of bonding occurred during childhood, you may find that these people choose partners as a adults that mirror the environments they had growing up.  If drama is absent both parties can feel unloved as they have been conditioned from an early age to believe this is how real love feels.  The mind will believe you love this person once bonded however, it is actually an addiction caused by the chemical process within the body.

 People must be able to heal the trauma bond in order to completely move on from the toxic relationship.  This bond can keep a person stuck in a cycle as the conditioning is so strong that it is confused with feeling like love.  This can happen in any type of relationship and confusing for the person entangled and the supporters of the victims. Trauma bonds are hard to break.  It keeps people in relationships that are toxic even if they understand they should leave.  

A victim will seek to reconnect with their abuser to relieve their pain in the moment,  just like an alcoholic will crave their alcohol and break sobriety.   This is one of the toughest things for victims and their supporters to understand when trying to break free from a toxic relationship. They may feel a sense of relief one day and have severe anxiety the next.  They will feel a strong pull to reach out to their abuser to release the anxiety they feel for that high to return. It  is no different from a drug addict going through the withdrawal process and why difficult for victims and supporters to understand.  Accepting this is an addiction for the victims and their support system can help with the recovery process.  Recognizing this is not love but an addiction to a chaotic lifestyle that is toxic is a step toward the healing process.  This will take time.  Understanding this and not reaching out to the abuser will help the body to regulate itself.  Victims can then begin to heal and move toward a healthier mindset.

 A victim can feel shame, guilt, and low self-esteem when repeating the push-pull pattern with their abuser.  They understand it isn’t healthy logically but the pull is so strong to go back that they feel a sense of powerlessness.  The victim will begin to lose a sense of self and can become enmeshed with their abuser as their boundaries have been ignored or not kept in place.  This causes the victim to lose confidence in themselves and lose trust in their own judgement.  Victims are likely to blame themselves for all the problems as they have been gaslit along with other manipulative tactics.

 Whether the abuser has discarded their victim or the victim is trying to leave a toxic relationship, you (the victim) must go and stay NO CONTACT.  Going NO CONTACT is a step needed to heal from the trauma bond.  Many people don’t understand what NO CONTACT actually means.  It isn’t easy but necessary as emotional thinking can convince you to go back.

NO CONTACT IS: BLOCKING THE ABUSER FROM CONTACTING YOU IN ANY WAY:

This means:

NO PHONE CALLS, NO TEXT, NO EMAILS, NOT SHOWING UP WHERE THEY MIGHT BE, LEAVNG IF THEY SHOW UP, BLOCKING ON ALL SOCIAL MEDIA and CHANGING JOBS OR PLACE OF RESIDENCE IF NECESSARY.  This seems unfair yet, if you truly want to heal you will do whatever steps it takes to do so.  If you don’t follow the NO CONTACT rules, you can be drawn back in to the relationship or chaos by allowing your emotional thinking to over-ride your logic. 

Once in No Contact give the victim or yourself as the victim,  some compassion as it’s not easy to break an addiction.  If the victim reverts back one day forgive that and try again.  This will be frustrating as it is a process as the victim will feel the urge to reach out for that high.  Getting through the lows is difficult so allow the time and space to do it.  Acknowledge feelings as they arise as they are valid. The victim will feel crazy as they are in a fog and can’t process things when in an emotional state.

Finding ways to help handle these feelings can be helpful.  Journaling can be one way to express emotions by purging them out mentally and emotionally on paper. Returning to the  journal after a few months, can show the progress made and will feel validating for the victim.

 Clarity of what the victim has been dealing with will help them rediscover themselves.  As the victim, Be kind to yourself as you head into a healthier place.  Being in a non-toxic pattern may seem boring at first as there was conditioning to the chaotic lifestyle.  Understanding this and committing to happiness will be worth the struggle it takes to get through this.

 This information is important for the supporters and the victims of those in unhealthy relationships.  Recovering from a trauma bond that is an addiction takes time and patience.  You can’t rush the process and heal over-night.  It will be different for each victim and understanding this is important for everyone involved.

Continue reading “Trauma Bonds that are developed in a narcissistic relationship:”

Narcissistic relationship

Dealing with a narcissist in a relationship of any kind is not like being in a normal relationship. A narcissistic relationship is ego based. A narcissist has a very fragile ego and sees life through a different lens. You will be put on a pedestal but will invariably fall off without even realizing you have given the narcissist a narcissistic injury.

A narcissist sees you as an extension of themselves , a shiny toy for an example that makes them feel good or look good. It doesn’t much matter to them how you feel unless it will affect them in someway. Everything is about a narcissist. It’s all about a narcissists day every day even when you may think they are making things about you, in the beginning.

From the start you are bright and carry traits the narcissist does not have. This is attractive to the narcissist. They see you all shiny and bright and they want to be shiny and bright too. They know that if they can work beside you, partner with you, team up with you they will bask in this and hopefully pick up some of those beautiful traits of yours. Normal people (People who have never experienced or recognized this type of behavior) do not understand this if you try to explain it to them. They may ask,”Why on earth would someone want to do such a thing for that reason and that reason only”. They don’t understand the narcissistic dynamic. A narcissist doesn’t have a sense of self and needs narcissistic supply from people to fill their ego at all times. They get bored easily and feel superior to most even if they are not saying it out loud. They need to feel special and therefore look for the faults in others . They see themselves as better than other people. They are taking traits from people because deep down they know they lack certain traits and learn to mirror those they admire.

A narcissist lacks empathy when it comes to others. They understand what it is but it doesn’t come naturally to them. They see it in people and are attracted to empathic individuals. They are hurt people deep down and can see pain in others when other people may not. They look for people who are natural givers and people who forgive easily. They can see strength and they admire this . The problem with this is eventually they will suddenly despise the very thing they admired about you and will begin to devalue you. They are do as I say not as I do people. They lack the insight to reflect upon their own behaviors but can point out the flaws of others. If they are self aware and want to change, they can improve their interpersonal relationships with cognitive therapy but there is no cure for NPD.

Everyone has narcissistic traits and on a spectrum. To diagnose narcissistic disorder according to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders at least five of the nine traits must be met. These patterns show up regularly in this persons life, in their interpersonal relationships, and in and out of their work environments. They have a preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty and ideal love. They have a belief they are special and unique and can only be understood or associate with those they see as special or high status people. They have a need for excessive admiration.

Here are the @DSM-IV Criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder listed below:

A pervasive pattern of grandiosity(in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five or more of the following :

1)Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements).

2)Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love.

3)Believes that he or she is “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions).

4)Requires excessive admiration.

5)Has a Sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations.

6)Is interpersonally exploitative, i,e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own needs.

7)Lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others.

8)Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her.

9)Shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes.

A narcissists emotional regulation depends on their self esteem. They reference themselves to others for self definition and self esteem. Their sense of self is exaggerated and can be inflated or deflated going back and forth between extremes. They lack the ability to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others. They are attuned to the reactions of other people but only if it is relevant to themselves. Their relationships are mostly superficial and used to regulate their self-esteem. They lack a genuine interest in other people unless it is for their own personal gain in someway.
They are grandiose and have feelings of entitlement whether it is overt or covert in nature.

Split thinking is something that takes place often in a narcissists mind. They can love you one second and hate you the next. You may never even realize this is taking place until the real devaluation of you starts to begin where they don’t care if you see it. It starts out very slow. It could be a slight comment that is demeaning to you and met with trying to shame you. Then just as suddenly as they shamed you they split back to seemingly caring about you again. You are left confused by this and may ruminate on it and question whether it was anything to worry on at all. This is an alarm for you, a red flag. You must not ignore this. All relationships have conflicts that may come up but it is how they are handled. How does your partner regulate their emotions in these moments? Are they able to do so without shaming and degrading you in any way? Can they tell you how they feel and trust to share their feelings without blaming you for how they feel?

Being vulnerable is not easy for many people especially a narcissist. They have a hard time regulating their emotions and you can ignite their fury causing a narcissistic injury. The difference in normal anger and narcissistic rage is how sarcastically aggressive and unreasonable it can be to a situation. It can appear out of nowhere. When this happens a narcissist has had a blow to their idealized self image of themselves in someway. When it happens they will feel instant shame and in order to not feel that they must deflect that shame away from them and blame you. They don’t care how this may hurt you, (lack of empathy)all they care about is how they are feeling and the need to heal their narcissistic injury. They need to regain power and control over a situation and their emotions they feel are out of control. This can’t happpen. You must be to blame and are painted black (split thinking) in the moment. Once they feel they have regained control through your emotions it regulates theirs (soothes) and they are able to paint you white (split thinking) again.

An empathic person can see two sides to things. They can see through the lens of the other person and also their own lens. They can empathize with how something may have affected someone else and will be the fixer. This is a trait of a codependent. They immediately want to fix a situation, most likely will apologize and try to relate to the other persons feelings while trying to ignore their own feelings. It’s about the narcissists emotions and a sense all focus must be there. It’s ok to be empathic to someone else’s emotions but still stay connected to your own. You should feel safe to speak up to someone from verbally hurting you in the process of their own hurt feelings. A narcissist almost never apologizes and the empathic partner does to try and repair things taking on all the blame. A narcissist will play the victim if you decide to walk away from them because of their fragile ego.

Creating boundaries in relationships create healthier and stronger bonds. Both parties in a healthy relationship create boundaries to protect not only themselves but the integrity of the partnership. Mindfulness is important because two people can be coming from two different perspectives.

If in a narcissistic relationship you will always see things differently and will feel you are defending yourself. You can find yourself shutting down in the relationship afraid to upset them. You lose your voice and sense of your own self if you stay long enough. In a healthy relationship two people should feel safe together , should not want to hurt the other person purposefully under any circumstance. Even if they are hurting.

Toxic relationship patterns are unhealthy and it takes a lot of work to become more emotionally mature. It’s hard work and many people unfortunately never take the time to learn their own bad habits and use distractions to ignore looking at themselves only to find themselves repeating these patterns again.

If you are in a narcissistic relationship, a narcissist who needs to feel special will see in your eyes if something has changed. They know they are different deep down. If they are a narcissist and know you see their true self, your devaluation will begin. The smear campaign will start in small ways and build up as your devaluation does to then bring about your discard at some point. A narcissist must always be in control and if he senses you may see the real person they must leave you first. They believe you will eventually leave them because deep down they down they don’t love themselves and don’t believe you can love them either. They will test your loyalty and love. These are red flags.

It’s important to feel emotionally and physically safe in all your relationships. There is a difference in hurting someone on purpose whether with words or in other ways than not intentionally meaning to. There are ways to respectfully work on things in a relationship without destroying trust and growing emotionally together. If you are in a toxic relationship pattern you may be in a narcissistic relationship . These are patterns to look for to protect yourself. You should feel open and safe to be you in your relationships with people. In narcissistic relationships people will use things against you to hurt and shame you. You may not see the difference but you will feel the difference.

You are not responsible for someone else’s actions and emotions. People will interpret your actions however they want to . Everyone’s emotions are valid but we choose our own emotions and they are our responsibility and how we act upon them. We can be kind, listen and try to understand someone’s perception knowing that people come from different backgrounds.

There is a difference in being in a healthy relationship and being in a toxic relationship. If you have never experienced a toxic one first hand it may be hard to understand. They don’t have to be romantic and can be any type of relationship. It is very frustrating but once you know the signs you can make a healthy choice for you. Hopefully this never happens to you or someone you care for but if you ever recognize any of the signs you can then help someone or even yourself .

Until next time….

Jennifer
Narcshield@youtube

The codependent Dance with a narcissist:

When a codependent finally starts speaking up about their own needs narcissistic people may call them NEEDY. They ignore how much the codependent/empath has done because they have taken it all for-granted. It never occurs to the narcissistic person because they are consumed with their own needs and wants.

A codependent will eventually have their cup so empty they do start speaking up about their own needs and wants. This annoys narcissistic people.
When a codependent/empath isn’t around for the narcissistic person (because they are now taking care of their own needs) it causes a narcissistic injury for a narcissist. They take notice and wonder why the codependent isn’t working properly for them anymore . The narcissist never realizes they expected to much from them in the first place.

A codependent can’t hold their camp together and everyone else’s forever. They run out of steam. A narcissist will then start to complain and the codependent will find themselves over- explaining themselves and hurt.
Once a codependent heals and begins doing things for themselves the relationship starts to unravel and can’t survive . The person that held the ship down(codependent /empath) is now guiding there own.

A narcissist may try to Hoover the codependent back in and this may work for awhile but eventually the relationship ends because the codependent/empath ran out of gas. The narcissist can’t understand because they lack empathy.

A narcissistic relationship will wear you out. You don’t have to be on repeat practically begging for you needs to be met. A narcissist won’t validate you unless you are performing the way they want you to. They will complain and replace you if you start doing your things. You are an appliance to narcissistic people. If the toaster breaks the narcissist throws it out and gets a new one.

It’s ok to do what you need to do for yourself. No need to feel guilty or shame about that.

*Everyone has narcissistic traits. Some are on the lower end of the scale, healthy people are in the middle and narcissistic people are higher up the scale.

Jennifer W.

Narc Shield @YouTube

Have you questioned being in a narcissistic relationship pattern with different people in your life? Do you do everything for everyone but feel your life overwhelmed?

Narcissistic supply and addiction process:

Any kind of attention negative or positive is Narcissistic Supply. Each makes a narcissist feel power and control. If they feel control over you they feel in control with themselves. If you are involved at all with a narcissist no matter what role you play, you are narcissistic supply. Family, romantic partners, coworkers, if you work for them, postman, grocery clerk, friends, etc. are all narcissistic supply.
People think they can’t be controlled but they may not recognize their emotions can be manipulated in subtle ways.

Intermittent reinforcement is used to trauma bond you (make you addicted) to a narcissist. An example: Not showing up for a very important event knowing how important was for you, (wedding, graduation, school play, birthday celebration, )then giving you an expensive gift. They said they would be there but forgot or did something else they wanted instead. It will be a pattern not a one time thing. You will be upset and then happy when they play the savior after. This process is how you become addicted to the cycles of abuse without even realizing. If you were to mention it to others they may give them an excuse and say how kind they were to get you this amazing gift…. You question your judgement because you are being gaslit by the enablers and the narcissist. It seems so minor but if a pattern, it is emotional abuse. This can cause a person to work harder to gain the approval of this person.

Children can feel this after a toxic marriage has ended. Mom or dad is supposed to come get them for a fun trip and don’t show up. The child feels rejected. When they see that parent again the parent gives them something the child wants or needs and the child feels valuable after all. The pattern continues and eventually their self worth is eroded. The child learns they can’t depend on their parent. Inconsistent behavior patterns can confuse people and those with trauma backgrounds can find themselves chasing for love and affection.

Narcissist’s are inconsistent but know if they play on people’s emotions (vulnerability) they can control them. Codependents seek that validation from that person . Cognitive dissonance is in over drive. They see bad and good behavior which is confusing. Their minds don’t want to believe the bad so they romanticize the good. It hurts to face the patterns and easier to take the bread crumbs because the codependent needs to feel approved of by this person.

All of this comes from a need they had in early childhood they did not receive. They go out in life trying to get what they lacked. The same for the narcissist as the two mirror each other. The narcissist needs to control as they couldn’t control their toxic environments as a child. They need to control other peoples emotions to regulate their own.

It’s complex but their is help and people can change if they want to. DBT and talk therapy are helpful . Finding the right therapist or coach who understands these patterns Is very important.

This page is here for information and to show support to who wants it.

I talk about emotional abuse and the dance narcissistic people and codependents share. Both trigger each other and can’t heal one another . The codependent tries to fix and how they themselves control. Unless the two heal on their own they are doomed to have a chaotic relationship . Unfortunately, the chaos is an addiction for both parties. Unless they heal they would be bored to tears in a healthy relationship. They say they want a stable environment but their addicted to chaos and drama.

Doing work on self takes time. Truthfully years. It’s worth it if you want to find true peace, love and happiness. Both people deserve it and were both abused early in life. There is no quick fix. It takes hard work and a willingness to be vulnerable and look within. You can’t fix someone else but you sure can get tools that help in interpersonal relationships if you want it. These tools are now being introduced even in companies when in training. We can’t fix what we ignore. I believe in hope and love .

Until next time I hope this helps even one person. 💜

Jennifer

The Narcissist, Codependent and Empath:

The narcissist has a false self that protects them. Everyone involved in the narcissistic relationship has their own issues to resolve from their past. The co-dependent and or the empath could have easily become a narcissist but took on different coping skills, to deal with their trauma as a child. The co-dependent and or empath will be the ones most likely to seek help after they have gone through enough pain and can heal. The narcissist is not likely to acknowledge they are a narcissist and therefore rarely seek the help they need . If they do, they don’t normally stay in therapy unless forced to by a court order. The co-dependent and or empath are truth seekers and will want answers . They can learn to understand and accept their role in the dynamic to heal the trauma bond and do the healing work they need. The narcissists false self will fight it by blame-shifting, projection, and deflection. They will use manipulative tactics to persuade themselves and others there is nothing wrong with them. They set out to prove it is the other person that needs the help. The ego- self won’t allow them to accept they need help and will convince themselves , they are the victim. This false self is is actually harming them , now as an adult and they can’t see it. This is why a narcissist can’t be cured. All parties in the relationship need to heal their past trauma in order to break the cycle. It is possible with acceptance. Unfortunately, the narcissist can’t admit this to themselves much less anyone else. A narcissist’s uses their time blaming their victims instead of getting help for themselves .

A Narcissist takes things as a personal criticism and that is called, a narcissistic injury. They will actually project the things they do onto others , blaming them. They believe this story they create because they can’t accept they are the person who creates the problems. Narcissist’s are believable because their victims are usually broken by the time anyone becomes aware there are issues in the relationship.

The victims involved with the narcissist can have reactive abuse if it goes on long enough. The narcissist uses this for proof to go along with their story line (smear campaign) because the victim has had enough , then defends themselves. This is very frustrating for the victims because they stayed silent protecting their families, the narcissist’s facade and even themselves, for so long.

It is best not to react to a narcissist. This can be hard because your natural instinct will be to defend yourself. They have been smearing your name long before you knew it and want you to react. This gives the narcissist power over your emotions. A narcissist can play a calm role as the codependent and or empath is usually the one more emotional. The narcissist can play calm (on the outside) because they are manipulating you and everyone purposefully. You are a game piece and they are setting the game up. They know if you react , you will look unstable.

When a victims tries to get help they have a hard time conveying what has been happening to them. The abuse was done so covertly and they stayed silent for so long, they are barely heard. They end up isolating themselves and suffering in silence, as no one believes them. Outsiders may even inadvertently abuse them more, after taking the narcissists side. People become players in the narcissist plan to destroy their victim , for exposing them. This is exactly what the narcissist wants. The narcissist sees the victims they are with , as a threat and will do whatever it takes to prove them, unstable. This is called crazy making as the victim has been gaslit over time.

In the end their victims are so worn out and confused they actually feel crazy , confused and no longer trust their own judgment. Many Victims having no-one to help them or to understand what is going on , sadly commit suicide. CPTSD is also something a victim of prolong abuse deals with.

Many victims of narcissistic abuse are not just emotionally abused but also physically abused. Victims of emotional abuse begin to live in fear of their abusers and can be put in situations where they feel it hard to leave. This leaves any supporters frustrated and wondering, if this person was so horrible why would the victim not leave. This makes people look at the victim as drama seekers and emotional wrecks. The victims are shamed and condemned and the actions of the abusers overlooked and ignored. This is how narcissist’s and sociopaths get away with bad behavior for so long.

Many things go on behind closed doors that people have a hard time understanding unless, they see it for themselves. You may have this abuser on a pedestal and can’t believe they could harm anyone. Think of the O.J. Simpson and the Nicole Brown Simpson case. People don’t want to believe anyone could be so horrible, especially someone so well liked in the community.

You wouldn’t want someone emotionally or physically abusing your pet and they can’t speak for themselves, right? You still will protect your pet and go to bat for them. What if it is your family, friend or co-worker? Spreading awareness about abuse to animals is honorable but why not about your family, your neighbor, your coworker, a human being? The victims of emotional abuse and domestic violence often feel they have no power or voice as they are portrayed the problem, when begging for help. Victim shaming happens before the abuser is proven guilty, in many cases. It takes tremendous courage for victims of abuse to speak out , knowing they will be on trial in the court of public opinion, before their abuser ever is.

It is important to understand what NPD , Narcissistic Personality Disorder really is and not use the word lightly. It is a serious issue when it is a disorder and it can’t be cured. Having awareness helps in having coping skills to deal with it as a community.

Survivors of abuse have a voice but often are afraid to use it, in fear of more abuse. Rape victims have been blamed based on what they wore, as if they deserved to be raped. What kind of thinking is that?Most people today , would try to put someone behind bars if they saw someone beating an animal, that disobeyed their owner. Of course , that isn’t acceptable but it isn’t okay to abuse humans either.

Narcissist’s want everyone to fear them and stay silent so they can continue to take advantage of people. They will steal from the elderly, they will molest your children, they will steal your clients from your company and start their own, they will cheat on you , they will spend your inheritance , your life savings, put you in debt and walk away with no remorse. They will blame you or even society itself. If they are kept accountable and end up in prison, they will either write a book about it bragging, do a a documentary , or kill themselves as a last resort. It’s all about the narcissist to a narcissist . They don’t care about you but they know you will care and make excuses for them . They expect your silence.

A narcissist was a victim of abuse in their youth and why they took on this false identity in the first place. It was their coping skill to handle that abuse . It was helpful as a child but followed into adulthood only harms their interpersonal relationships. The abused became the abuser. The narcissism took over and their is no cure for Narcissistic personality disorder. There is therapy to learn how to cope with it if someone is willing to stay in and accept the diagnosis. This is rare.

Awareness can bring about change if everyone is willing to accept this exists and stops enabling this behavior. Don’t be surprised by narcissist’s eventually making the news for abuse that was hidden for years. You now can be aware of what was going on. It’s called Narcissistic Abuse.

Healing can take place for victims of emotional abuse. No-one should feel alone , there are people that understand. Hopefully, those who haven’t experienced narcissistic abuse won’t. Maybe we can all learn the signs of narcissistic abuse to help keep it from continuing to spread, in our homes and communities.

There is help and I recommend everyone get the knowledge you need to help yourself or others. Find a behavioral therapist in your area to get the therapy you need.

Confronting a narcissist could put you or your loved one in danger. You can call for support before doing anything that could put you in harms way. 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).

Silent no more: 💜

Jennifer
Narc Shield
@YouTube

Surviving narcissistic abuse:

Many people may recognize they are or have been in some kind of narcissistic relationship before. They realize they have stayed on eggshells in hopes to keep the narcissist from turning on them. Many have stayed in these relationships for different reasons. There is no judgement here.

Many people are ashamed, feel guilty, feel they need to be the caregiver, feel they don’t know who they are anymore without the narcissist (enmeshed) and are just surviving each day.

Everyone deserves to be happy , not just the narcissist’s who want what they want and when. Narcissist’s are human and we do have empathy for them but we can’t expect them to have empathy for us. That would be us projecting our feelings onto them which they don’t have. Lowering your expectations of what they can give you and understanding, can help you know it’s not your fault. You can’t change them and that would be trying to control them. We CAN change how we respond.

Getting a support group or talking regularly with a therapist about your feelings is helpful. These people will understand you, a narcissist won’t. Those conversations will only frustrate you with a narcissist. Confronting them can even be dangerous. There are people who do understand and can help you work through your trauma bond.

People who have not recognized they were used by a narcissist or been in a relationship like this , don’t understand. Hopefully they will never experience it as we bring awareness. It is extremely painful. I personally know that pain.
It took me many years to heal from narcissistic abuse. It was the hardest lesson of my life. This lesson helped me to know myself more, to enjoy life to the fullest and most of all to love myself.

Giving to others doesn’t mean ignoring your own needs. You are a person who deserves love and it’s ok to take care of yourself. You don’t have to feel guilty for taking time out for you.

I am here, I understand and millions of people are thinking of you, right now. World Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day is June 1st to help speak out about this type of silent abuse. Your wounds may be hidden but that doesn’t mean they aren’t real.

Sending hugs to all of you who recognize this type of abuse. Thanking all of you who take the time to learn about it and support your loved ones.

You don’t have to be a victim and feel ashamed anymore. You are a survivor of emotional and psychological abuse. 💜

Jennifer Watkins

Narc Shield @YouTube

A Narcissist needs to control every situation:

Telling a narcissist they hurt or disrespected you and how that made you feel, causes a narcissistic injury for a narcissist. They need to soothe that by deflecting, blame-
shifting and projecting. The narcissist changes the subject by projecting what you said, right back onto you. They say , “you have hurt them and don’t see how it has affected them.” This is a narcissist showing their lack of empathy for your feelings, taking zero accountability , blame-shifting, deflecting, feeling self entitled and now playing the victim.
The narcissist redirected the conversation and you are left confused, frustrated, maybe upset, maybe said,”sorry,” feel shamed, and guilted.

The only resolve was the Narcissist needed to take control back, as they perceived you were trying to control them and needed to regain control back over you/the-situation. The narcissist feels better and you feel worse. Now you are being punished for approaching them to (fix) something (them, as they see it) in the first place.
A narcissist is supposed to be perfect and you trying to reason with them means to them, you think they are not.

You are now devalued and the focus of their smear campaign because they have Split Thinking. You are either good or bad and they see you as bad after this. Nothing you can say will fix this as they decide when or if they change their mind. They control that not you.

A narcissist creates chaos and blames you. You can’t reason with the unreasonable. Forget it, walk away with your sanity or stick around to feel insane. This is how they control your mind and emotions. They see things differently than most of the population because it is how they are wired. You can’t change it but you can change how you deal with them.

Please like and share to spread awareness.

World Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day is June 1st.
Help spread awareness .

Jennifer
Narc Shield
@YouTube

ifmywoundswerevisible #narcissist

Narcissist’s and boundaries:

Narcissist’s don’t know boundaries. They can upset people with giving their opinion or advice when nobody asks. This is crossing personal boundaries but a narcissist feels entitled to do this. They may make huge mistakes in their own lives but in your life they feel they are smarter. They may say you are terrible with money but in their own life they are. This is called projection. They blame you for what they really do. They cross boundaries when they are trying to run your life. They feel superior and entitled but it’s not ok. Narcissist’s spend more time poking their noses in other peoples business and less time working on themselves. They make excuses for everything, blame everyone for their issues and play the victim when they create the chaos. They can’t see it no matter what you say. They are very unhappy people who pretend they have it together. It makes them feel good to point out your flaws, so they don’t have time to look at and work on their own. They will kick and scream as you create a boundary basically saying,“back off.” You will be so horrible (not really) and they will tell everyone how disrespectful and hurtful you are. Projection again and the smear campaign. They may have yes men all around them to tell you that you are the problem. This can drive you nuts if you let it. That is called gaslighting . Create the boundary, close the door , don’t open it and let them have their lengthy pity party. Enjoy your day and don’t answer the phone. They will move on to someone else in due course. For now they are focused on how awful you are…. It’s not about you, it’s about them. They can’t see it but you can . Don’t let their feelings, they see as facts manipulate your life. They will try to cross your boundaries with many manipulative tactics . Hold your boundaries. Don’t give in.

Jennifer

Narc Shield on YouTube

Sharing Awareness on Narcissistic Abuse:

World Narcissistic Abuse Awareness day is June 1st. I am one of thousands of people bringing awareness about emotional abuse this year. This will be my 5th year sharing information to the public.

It’s important to spread awareness, especially now that the word narcissist has become sort of a buzz word. This can take away from what narcissistic abuse is when everyone is labeled a narcissist. Each person has narcissistic traits and some more than others but that is called narcissism and doesn’t mean someone is a narcissist.

Having awareness can help people going through narcissistic abuse recognize the signs and seek help. Going to a behavioral therapist or someone who specializes in personality disorders can help you.

Not all therapist specialize within personality disorders and can think that teaching autonomy techniques will be helpful. This is not true when you are dealing with someone who has narcissistic personality disorder. Many people with npd have a coexisting diagnosis along with it. That is why it is considered a cluster B and a disorder. Narcissist’s do not respond to therapy in the way many other people do. It’s important to understand this and find a therapist who specialize and understand the cluster b’s.

A narcissist or (antisocial personality) also known as sociopath, sees life through a different lens than most of the world. Their perceptions of things will be completely opposite of yours and theirs have to be right. This makes it difficult to resolve issues with someone like this as saying sorry isn’t in their vocabulary . They are right and you are wrong. If you try and reason with a person like this, they will take it you see them as wrong. Therefore, nothing you try to compromise with works. They don’t compromise. They may reset and sweep things under a rug to ignore but they never compromise.

Most not all people that are in any kind of closer relationship with a narcissist are co-dependents . Learning about codependency can help victims of abuse heal. It’s important to understand yourself and grow. It is just as important for you to understand the abuse wasn’t your fault. Victims blame themselves for the abuse often.

Victims are often blamed and excuses made for the abusers. This enables (gives the abuser a self entitled attitude) the narcissistic person to continue the abuse of others. Examples would be: Harvey Weinstein, Jeffrey Epstein , Matt Lauer and so many more. I can’t diagnose these people because I am not licensed. (Only aware) They are great examples of showing highly narcissistic traits and how they got away with abusing their power for decades. Their victims were ignored, blamed, shamed, and excuses made for the people that abused them for years. This is why victims of abuse are afraid to speak out openly . They hide behind shame and guilt because it’s hard for society to look at these issues. These survivors are not weak but truly courageous who do speak out. Survivors know they can be victimized again if people choose not to believe them .

Narcissist’s can play the victim to hurt someone and so it’s important to know the signs, be aware, and not let them manipulate you, your family, society anymore. They can be hard to spot and masters at brainwashing people. They know their preys weaknesses and rely on this to puppet their victims. This gives them more power to continue to their prime aims.

You may believe you could never be duped by a person but 1 in five people (maybe more) are a narcissist around you. They are people and they do feel misunderstood. They don’t understand why people don’t get them as remember, they are always right. They are people we will be in contact with but if you don’t hold strong boundaries and keep them, you could fall prey to their abuse. (Npd is not gender specific.)
(Watch Dirty John on Netflix)

Narcissist’s/sociopaths can’t stand boundaries. Those are meant to be broken when they need them to be and put in place when it works for them . Narcissist’s are inconsistent and keep you on your toes questioning your own judgment of events. You will be considered the bad person for placing up a boundary to protect yourself but you must.

Sometimes you have to walk away from social circles, family, jobs, and more to get away from the toxic environment. This can feel uncomfortable, lonely, scary and more. Learning more about how to cope with your own triggers can help you move forward into a healthier space in your life. A narcissist won’t be attracted to a person long that holds strong firm boundaries. They will move on to their next victim .

I hope you will join me and so many others in bringing awareness about emotional abuse. Being a support to someone who is trying to get help can save a persons life. Gaining awareness for yourself can help you move on. You are not alone.

World Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day is June 1st.

Jennifer
@Narcshield on YouTube