You are aware of people as you watch every movement.

Keen to watching people around you, so aware and yet so unaware.

Oh, how we are so alike in many ways.

This you do not see.

How I wish I could save you from yourself  as I can see what you do not.

You can’t  believe as your mind won’t allow. Oh, how we are alike in  many ways, this I did see.

You do things to  impress those who use you and take from those who love you.

This you do not notice and yet I could spot. How I wish I could save you from the leaches that slither but you cannot conceive.

Seeking approval from the ones who don’t care and taking for granted those that do.

Those that take from you manipulate their way in as it works for them. They are like you and yet you are blind.

How I wish I could show you but the darkness is to far and wide.

You know people by watching and learning and yet those that use you are still veiled.

You need their approval why?

This is because they do not care.

You can spot they do not.

This is not shown but subconsciously known.

So, you take from those that give and give to those that take.

They are like you, can’t you see?  I wish I could save you from them and you not hate me.

They want you isolated from those that notice who they are.

My eyes are opened and can recognize what you do not.

You  think that I am blind because I didn’t discern who you were.

I am aware of those around you .

I spot them in protection

As I wish to shield you and never did myself well.

We are alike in many ways but you cannot tell.  I wanted to guard you I feel I have failed.

Your eyes are wide shut.

 

Can you hear me in my silence? Do you answer me in yours? I wonder as I sit beneath a tree when looking out across the water in my favorite place. I ask you questions and wonder what your answers would be.

I think on the times I shared things with you and I remember the times you did with me. Where have we gone or have we even left? I see you in my mind and wonder if you still see me in yours.

We say nothing out loud as it’s as if we didn’t happen and yet we did. Life moves on and we go forward but the past is there. I haven’t forgotten and I know you haven’t but we go through life now as if the past didn’t exist.

I know it did and I know you know but have understanding it is how it has to be. Two people in different places and yet have once been in the same place. How we are opposite and yet so alike.

We had to say goodbye it was how it had to be. We know this and even still there will always be that space that lingers between us. It spans far and wide yet seems so close.

We both taught each other. It was meant to be. It was our reality at that time and this is our reality now.

As it has to be.

How excited we were when we began the situations we found ourselves stuck in. We are now at the crosswalk. We press the button and wait for the light to change to give us the option to step forward to cross over. As we wait we feel restless. We know that the light says to stay put but there is energy inside us now that wants to plunge forward.

We are standing in place with one foot wanting to go forward and one foot keeping us from stepping into traffic. We know if we stepped now we would be hit by the oncoming vehicles as we have learned that it’s unsafe. With that lesson we know the right time to move forward is when the light changes. The knowledge of this means we now can cross with confidence that we will arrive safely to the other side. To the place we have planned to be.

In life we are given lessons and we can’t move to our destiny when we are stuck to people, places or things that are holding us back from our dreams. We must stop trying to drag those with us. Pulling things along can hold us back or at least steal all of our energy from pushing forward.

Something has to end to have a new beginning. It’s up to us and we can move forward into our dreams. Only we can make that happen. We must do what we need to and allow ourselves to release and open up to receive the gifts that have been waiting for us.  It’s never to late to achieve what we’ve always known we could have. We must strive towards what we deserve and let go of what we didn’t deserve. We need to complete painful chapters in our life and  turn towards our new beginning with faith.

The gift of clarity is within us and it is up to all of us to accept it and reach for whats before us. Taking what we’ve learned from our past and applying that knowledge in our future prepares us to remain grounded in our purpose. This keeps us from turning back as we already know what is there.  Everything happened for a reason.  Fear can hold us back and faith will take us forward.

We have options once we let things go that are no longer serving us.  We can take our benevolence and should leave anything malevolent alone. Wasting all the good inside of us on people and things that don’t deserve us can deplete our energy. Reasoning with the unreasonable is a waste of time.  We can head onward with the faith and hope we have always carried within our soul.

If we are second guessing our past then we are being told to turn and now head towards our future. We can lead ourselves with the light that’s inside us and has been there all along. Our truth has been there and letting that truth out sets us free to move.  We then can push ourselves in the direction the light is shown and away from the darkness that is just FEAR.

No longer sleep-walking we are now awake and able to see our dreams within reach. To go backwards is to repeat the lessons. We can swim towards our new life with ease or may drown with  the what if’s. If people can’t make their mind up about us and have to think about whether we are valued, then we are being shown to move away from them. They don’t deserve us right now as they are having their own lessons to learn.

We must not let our judgment be clouded.  We can move away with grace and allow them to live out their own lessons in life.  We can pray they will eventually see their own light. The lessons from our past have given us the abilities and skills to make a change and hopefully in their own time they will too.

We  can now see through the fog that we were blinded by at that time. We can drop the baggage now or we will sift through it and continue to look for what we desire. We can unpack our bags and refill them with new memories.  We must trust that once we let go of all that held us back.  We will have new possibilities coming towards us as we are now creating space for new experiences.  Moving forward , we will only look back as a reminder of the lessons we needed to get us to where we have always wanted to be.

We shouldn’t base our decisions on feelings we originally had with a person, place or thing.  We were learning lessons through those experiences  and how it made us feel when we were in that place.  We can now plant that foot that’s been hanging over the edge towards our past in front of us.  Let’s step forward as the light is changing.

Our growth was destined as we needed to know and show our self-worth. Leaving behind those or things that aren’t changing is part of this lesson as hard as it may be. Change can’t happen unless someone makes a move. At some point we are forced to move if something is going to change. Doing what is best for yourself and others can sometimes feel painful. Faith will lead everyone to the place they need to be when they are ready and willing.

You can’t wait on others or teach them. You may be to close to the situation and they will need to learn from someone or something else. It’s time to be honest and make the decision you know is the right one. Will you stay and repeat the lessons again or move forward?

We can move into our power and stop giving it away. Deep down we knew what our truth has been and we just allowed confusion to keep us stuck.  It’s time, what will you choose?

Stop, look and listen. The light says walk. Will you cross forward now or stand alone as others go forward or will you turn back and repeat the lessons? Allow yourself to grow and give your past the chance. This isn’t abandoning yourself or the past,  as a mother bird even has to kick her baby out of the nest to fly.

This is my goodbye to this moment in time as I take that step towards Hello.

What will you choose to do?

 

Until next time, this is my truth.

Jennifer

There is nothing fun about bringing up something that bothers you to a narcissist. You finally get the courage to say what is bothering you.  You have let things build up knowing the dreaded gloom and doom if you say anything.  Then, finally you can no longer say nothing .  You think over in a 100 different ways to broach the subject praying this time will be different.  You will get them to see how you feel and things will change for the better.

You feel like you are strategically planning and the anxiety it brings is overwhelming.  You know this is abnormal and wonder why you even try.  You know in the pit of your stomach it isn’t going to go the way you have built it up in your head.  Still, you have hope that this time will be different.  You believe that you can magically get them to see this time.

It seems like petty stuff and things that should be easily resolved however, you know it always turns into something bigger.  You prepare yourself as best you can for if things turn sour, as they always do.  You try to prepare yourself for them to walk out on you, for the silent treatment to commence, or deflection and blame shifting to happen.

You think you have it all worked out how you will respond if this happens, it always happens.  You are ready BUT ARE YOU? Never with a narcissist can you be prepared as they are skilled at manipulating a situation.  Before you know it you are defending yourself over something from two years ago, again.  They steered you away as the times before and you feel defeated.

“Not this time”, you say to yourself as you have rehearsed and rehashed in your mind all the times in the past.  You have your plan and nothing will take it off topic this time.  You want to resolve and you want the relationship to be successful and healthy.  You are certain that you will be the one who can get through to them.

So, the time has come and here you are presenting your needs to the narcissist.  You have said these with such ease, a calming voice and such hope in your eyes.  There is a slight silence and you feel they have heard you and feel a slight sense of relief.  In your mind in the moment they are considering your feelings.  Then, it happens, They switch gears on you.  They don’t bring up all the other things they have in the past. They hit you with something new.  You are thrown off guard as you weren’t prepared for this.  Stunned your face quickly changes from that hopeful look to exasperation.

“Gotcha!” The narcissist can see this worked and will go round and round with you until you finally give up.  You can’t win the game with the narcissist.  Confused, depleted of energy, and exasperated you forget what you needed in the first place. “How did we get here?”  You give up.  You didnt get your needs met and you now get the gift of punishment for bringing anything up in the first place.

Round and round you went and were slung off the merry-go-round.  “Hahahahaha”, thinks the narcissist as you weren’t dealing with an adult.  You were trying to reason with a child.  Don’t you see?  When will you decide not to play on the merry go round anymore?

Recess is over or is it?