There is nothing fun about bringing up something that bothers you to a narcissist. You finally get the courage to say what is bothering you. You have let things build up knowing the dreaded gloom and doom if you say anything. Then, finally you can no longer say nothing . You think over in a 100 different ways to broach the subject praying this time will be different. You will get them to see how you feel and things will change for the better.
You feel like you are strategically planning and the anxiety it brings is overwhelming. You know this is abnormal and wonder why you even try. You know in the pit of your stomach it isn’t going to go the way you have built it up in your head. Still, you have hope that this time will be different. You believe that you can magically get them to see this time.
It seems like petty stuff and things that should be easily resolved however, you know it always turns into something bigger. You prepare yourself as best you can for if things turn sour, as they always do. You try to prepare yourself for them to walk out on you, for the silent treatment to commence, or deflection and blame shifting to happen.
You think you have it all worked out how you will respond if this happens, it always happens. You are ready BUT ARE YOU? Never with a narcissist can you be prepared as they are skilled at manipulating a situation. Before you know it you are defending yourself over something from two years ago, again. They steered you away as the times before and you feel defeated.
“Not this time”, you say to yourself as you have rehearsed and rehashed in your mind all the times in the past. You have your plan and nothing will take it off topic this time. You want to resolve and you want the relationship to be successful and healthy. You are certain that you will be the one who can get through to them.
So, the time has come and here you are presenting your needs to the narcissist. You have said these with such ease, a calming voice and such hope in your eyes. There is a slight silence and you feel they have heard you and feel a slight sense of relief. In your mind in the moment they are considering your feelings. Then, it happens, They switch gears on you. They don’t bring up all the other things they have in the past. They hit you with something new. You are thrown off guard as you weren’t prepared for this. Stunned your face quickly changes from that hopeful look to exasperation.
“Gotcha!” The narcissist can see this worked and will go round and round with you until you finally give up. You can’t win the game with the narcissist. Confused, depleted of energy, and exasperated you forget what you needed in the first place. “How did we get here?” You give up. You didnt get your needs met and you now get the gift of punishment for bringing anything up in the first place.
Round and round you went and were slung off the merry-go-round. “Hahahahaha”, thinks the narcissist as you weren’t dealing with an adult. You were trying to reason with a child. Don’t you see? When will you decide not to play on the merry go round anymore?
Recess is over or is it?