It can take a long time for you to unravel the truth of things with the narcissist. It is one of the most painful things when you discover just how much you have been lied to. You will revisit memories as you piece the puzzle together in complete disbelief .
I understand this pain as it is so devastating to realize it was all one huge fabrication. You may ask yourself why many times. Why would this person pretend to love me? What did they have to gain? How could all those months or years be one huge lie? You will want to disbelieve it. You will cry and feel depressed. You will be embarrassed and feel humiliated. You will wonder who knew and said nothing. You will question who you can trust and you will grieve the death of an illusion that was presented to you for a long time.
It seemed so real didn’t it? They said they loved you and you were their dream come true. They liked so much about you and made you feel like you were the center of their universe, until they didn’t. Once that switch was flipped you began to see things weren’t so wonderful in OZ anymore.
Now, you are told you are controlling or better yet expecting them to change who they are. You are made to feel you are the bad guy because you voiced your concerns. You can bet you are and have been smeared to others to look as if you were the problem long before the truth came out.
You now know they were sleeping around with someone else or others. You know it was a relationship everyone knew about. You had some suspicions as you were treated differently as you were pushed and pulled in the relationship. You now know why. You know they were with her right after leaving you and visa versa. You wonder if they said and did the same exact things with the other person. The answer you come to know is yes. You are overwhelmed with pain. You just can’t bring yourself to acknowledge this is real. It must be a nightmare and you want to wake up.
You are awake and all of this is real. You don’t and won’t ever know everything. You don’t even need to as it only serves to hurt you more. It will keep you in a state of seeking answers from the one person who will never truly give them to you unless, it gains them something.
You could stay stuck for years. They want you to stay stuck as it makes them feel powerful knowing they were so great you couldn’t move on. This is the ultimate control and power. They feel omnipotent. They feel God like.
If you continue to ride the roller coaster for the rush you will lose who you are. You can get to a point you look in the mirror and question where you went. You forget how happy you were before them. They want you when they decide and for reasons you can hardly understand. It isn’t to love you, it is to take what you can give them or those around you they need to get close to. They have plans and if you gain them access to get to where they want to be then they will use you. If you give them what they want in a moment to get what they need in that time they will use you. They orchestrate everything long before you ever could imagine.
What of the relationship before you? The one before that? Even the ones before? They all end the same destructive way. They blame everyone else for their issues and most likely because they felt those people were trying to change them.
Your partner didn’t care they were changing you. They didn’t see their behavior as controlling. You were controlling by trying to bring balance. You were an interrogator by asking them questions. You were the problem and when you were they wanted to get away from you. These were them reacting based on their feelings not by facts.
You progressed based on facts. Yet, if asking the narcissist to be honest you must understand that depending on how you ask the question will depend on how you get your truth. If you ask them if they are sleeping with someone else the answer will be based on that given moment. To them if they did yesterday but decided today it was over with that person the answer will be no. To them this is a fact based on how they feel right then. In the moment you feel some relief. You want to believe them as your brain wants to protect you from feeling pain. The narcissist knows this and expects you to believe them as they give their answers with no shame, guilt or fear.
Once you gain the real truth you will revisit those conversations with disbelief as they seemed so loving towards you when they spoke. They even may have future faked you to give you a glimmer of hope you can revive the relationship to what it once was. Yes, it was once beautiful wasn’t it? They may even give you a respite period and treat you the way they once did. You fall for it again as they knew you would to buy them time. You are thrown off the threshold again and angry with yourself for giving them another chance.
I know you try to hold onto your dignity. I can feel your pain. I don’t have to hear your story as I lived it. I am you and you are me. They chose people like us because they studied those like us their entire lives. They know exactly how you will react. There are many the narcissist is using for their own gain. They have a plan. The problem is you are just a piece of the game they are playing to get to where they want to be.
They want you to play the game as you give them power. You think you can win but what do you think you will win? Is your ego now taking over your logical thinking? How happy have you really been? Have you cried now more over the narcissist than you have felt happy with them? Get honest with yourself. What do they have to offer you? You have seen what they have to give. Is it your ego you are fighting or do you really believe they make you happy. It’s time to realize the beginning of the relationship was a lie and the rest of it was the truth. You know that but your ego doesn’t want to accept it.
There is someone out there who will love you and never want you to hurt. You deserve to be honored, respected, loved and cherished. You have just been blindsided by darkness of a person who isn’t truly happy. They aim to steal your joy to make themselves feel power (better). Without that they would be forced to look at who they really are. They can’t risk that so there will always be others. You will never be enough for a narcissist.
When will you decide to stop being a game piece and find real peace by living your dream instead of living in a continuous nightmare . Do you want to continue to dream or do you choose to live? The power is really yours to choose. You actually win if you stop playing. The choice is yours. Game over…..