You may wonder how things work with the narcissist and their friends they surround themselves with. If the narcissists in the world are such horrible people how then do they have friends? Why do the greater, upper Mid-Range and Mid-Range narcissists (terms used by: HG Tudor seem to be well liked and admired a lot of the time? The short answer is they aren’t around these people 24/7 and the facade is well protected.
The narcissist knows how to target and choose their so called friends as well. They may actually have something in common and therefore the narcissist will engage with them during those events. However, the narcissist is always playing a game. In their minds they are better than these people or they plan to be. They are trait seekers and will decide which people serve their purposes better.
There will be different groups the narcissist moves within. These people may be one of them however, the narcissist sees themselves as superior and hang out with them for personal gain. It may be that they are flying monkeys. These are people the narcissist uses to do their dirty work. These people may not realize they are used for these purposes. They think the narcissist wants to be their friend and delights to hang out with someone like them. They also have their own needs and it somehow makes them feel more important to be associated with someone like this. The narcissist may be well sought after in the community. These friends may not be inserted into the main coterie of the narcissist as they may embarrass the narcissist in some way but they are great for helping keep the facade up by even protecting the narcissist in times they are needed. They will sing the praises of the narcissist if someone tries to say something about the them that isn’t well liked. They may run around and do errands the narcissist finds demeaning for themselves, they may get information about something or someone for them, or even lend them money. This makes them feel special to the narcissist if they are approved of. Both needs are met between the two therefore the bond is created. The narcissist is using the so called friend for their own purposes and delights that this person does as they wish. This even takes place at times without even being asked. The narcissist may slip in covertly in conversation what they need and carry on to another topic just to see how the so called friend responds. Not knowing they are being manipulated these people will offer or just mingle out to do the dirty work for the narcissist. They do this to gain favor with them. They don’t feel used because they have something to gain themselves by it. They aren’t superior to the narcissist as they are manipulated and the false mask is preserved because they are making the friend feel important. They are in a sense. They are used and easily manipulated therefore stay in good standing with the narcissist .
The narcissist wants to be the best and has plans of greatness. In order to achieve this they must groom those that they wish to steal traits from. This means those people are treated well. They get the best attention and the narcissist will even do favors for them to get them to find them favorable. This means even family members can be slighted if it means the narcissist gains what they desire from the friends. The facade to the outside world is more important to the narcissist. How they appear outwardly is the desired outcome.
They will hang out with people of high status or even higher status to then prove they can achieve more power than those people by gaining their ideas, contacts, and money to achieve their aims of power. This feels good to the narcissist as it is the power that surges through them as they see they can easily manipulate even those like them to do what they want. This is ultimate power and control and makes them feel very important . These people also have things to gain by being friends with the narcissist as they can be one of their kind as well. They can gain business, contacts and special treatment by complying to the narcissists needs. They also uphold the narcissists facade even if they know the narcissist isn’t exactly of the best character. They ignore this for their own aims as they also may have a facade to keep in place.
Then there are the friends the narcissist rarely sees but still keeps in the loop. On occasion they may be let in for a short period to the coterie. This may only be at a function and done to make the friends less seen feel important and stay in contact. The narcissist needs the web to stay full so at times everyone will be granted access to the narcissists world at one time to make sure the ties are not broken. The narcissist has many appliances working for them. In order to keep them up and running, they understand some energy must be put out for that to happen.
These appliances or so called friends are brought in at different times and don’t realize they are being used and in some cases don’t care. They have their own agenda whether subconscious or not. As long as these friends/appliances work properly for the narcissist they will stay in some form of good standing.
If they step out of line and begin to fail the needs of the narcissist they can be put on a shelf for later use, be put in a corrective devaluation until they prove to be worthy again, or discarded all together.
You never really know where you stand with the narcissist. No matter who you are you are being smeared behind your back to others as you move between black and white thinking with them. You may not hear about it as others are protecting the narcissist to stay in favor but believe that you are.
No matter how good of a friend you think you may be, NEVER get to comfortable. The narcissist sees you as a puppet and will cut those strings and let you fall at any given moment. Fall you will, so be aware.