Month: June 2019
The Love lock
I remember the first time we came across the love lock. I recall the lady in the store saying what a beautiful couple we were. I wanted to buy it as a gift for a couple and we both inscribed something to them on it putting our energy into it. How beautiful I thought that was.
We excitedly decided to purchase our own and together inscribed our names and date. How much love I felt for you in that moment. I believe I never felt it more than I did than that time. We kept this lock deciding to keep it and find the perfect spot to lock it one day. I didn’t want to do it on the gate at the shop we bought it at. I feared it would go out of business and be gone forever. We kept it and for years always thinking of where we would do it.
That lock stayed significant even as we would go through the devaluation stages and discards. It was if it was glue for us in a sense. We couldn’t seem to lock it.
After the discard when you called to tell me you travelled back to where we had been years before with the love lock, my heart sunk. I listened as you told me I had been on your mind, as you went to all the places we had gone together. The lock in your back pack until your last day there. You said you went back to the shop, took the lock out and locked it on the gate……
My heart stopped and I felt a wave of emotions go through me. You said you took photos of it to give to me. I never got them. You said it was your final closure and you needed to travel back to let me go once and for all.
You told me on that call you had learned so much from me and that you did the nice things I did for you for her. I imagined you taking her there and buying a lock . This was difficult as I listened to how you took my traits and passed them off as your own, for her. You told me you compared her to me and wished she was more like me but knew that wasn’t fair.
I tried not to feel resentment in my heart but it ached as I tortured myself by listening to your words. I did because I didn’t want to let you go but I knew you were gone. I questioned what was real and what wasn’t. I was in pain. I stayed in pain for a long time. We were kind with our words to one another and it felt somewhat loving in our goodbye. There were tears from us both.
The love lock was like our ring. It was now in the place attached to the gate where I once felt so much love for you, where another saw the love in us and where we shared a happy experience.
It seemed real, it appeared real even to the clerk, and yet it was a lie.
I wonder if you locked our lock on the gate or if it was a different lock. Did you buy one for her and lock it in our place? I wonder. If not why was that lock so important to you?
The love lock. It locked so many things away forever. It meant a lot to me. The clerk said our energy was in it. I hope at that time it was truly good. I think if it did return it was locked where it should have been years before. It was there that love was felt, it was noticed and didn’t seem like an illusion. Our love locked once and for all. At least mine did.