Escaping my invisible cage:

One of the most freeing parts of my journey in life has been letting go of trying to please everyone. It was so exhausting and I never had time for anything for myself. I was giving everything I had to others and I was feeling unbalanced in life.

I worried whether people would get upset with me if I started having less to give to them to begin giving to my own personal needs. This was causing so much anxiety that I wasn’t sleeping well at night. I was always feeling guilty and tired.

Something had to change. I decided I was going to start doing more of what I wanted in life and give more to my personal needs. I didn’t want to feel I hadn’t lived my life to the fullest. I was feeling I was and had been missing out while watching others do what they wanted.

It was time to take care of me and I began doing just that. I wasn’t able to make it to everything any longer. I had to make time for myself and in doing so would have to say no more to others. Some didn’t understand as they hadn’t noticed I was lacking in doing things I wanted to do because I was so stretched thin, being everywhere else. They were into their own needs and it didn’t occur to them I had things going on in my own life. Some people got upset without even having a conversation with me . I heard from others that they were talking poorly about me and turning others opinions of me .

This didn’t really bother me as it made me realize even more how much I had neglected myself. How much others neglected me as I was constantly giving. I couldn’t be there for everyone and I was trying for so long. It was overwhelming. I was living everyone’s else’s life and mine was passing me by.

I no longer allow others feelings projected outwardly dictate what I do anymore. I pick and choose more wisely with whom I spend my time with, where I spend my money, and how I share my life. I give to those that need it most and I ask for help when I need it now.

I pay attention to when my tank is empty and I take time out to refill my tank even at the expense of missing some events. I make myself a priority and sometimes that means being alone. I need time to myself to regroup and to process things . It helps me to feel more grounded.

I decide what is right for me each day. I don’t allow anyone to dictate how I do things. I don’t let others manipulate me by guilt trips and I no longer feel guilty.

It’s a process that has taken time to get used to as I never put myself first. Taking care of myself makes it easier for me to handle other things in my life as I juggle so much. I don’t explain to everyone anymore with long reasons why I can’t do something. I simply say I can’t and if someone pushes, I tell them I have to take care of my own camp.

I neglected my life for so long that I didn’t even know what I liked doing. I had to get to know me again. I am not concerned with whether people like me anymore as I am to excited about doing more in my own life. If someone thinks that is selfish then I am ok with that. It’s time I was doing more of what makes me truly happy. It’s past time. I am not here on earth to take care of everyone else for the sake of keeping them from getting upset with me. All that has ever done is make me upset with myself, disappointed and missing out on my own life.

It’s been a journey as I understood more who my true friends were, who was best for me in my life to be around, where I wanted to go and be. It has been great discovering who I am and shedding the layer of myself that some expected of me because of their needs.

We can’t expect others to fulfill our every need when we need it. Everyone has their own lives and busy. It is selfish to have expectations that others should always be right there exactly when you expect. It isn’t being kind. It wasn’t me being kind to myself for allowing it.

I took the time to get to know me , still getting to know myself better and I am less stressed. I welcome those who care about me and I enjoy the time I spend with those who best fit my lifestyle.

I don’t have expectations of others to make me happy and I understand when people can’t be around for me . I take care of myself and just feel blessed when, I am in a space whether it be alone or with others that feels more content than overwhelmed.

I appreciate life more. I am glad I took the time to spend with myself so that I could be the person I want to be rather than the person people expected me to be.

This was my freedom. I freed myself. It was the choice I always had. I just didn’t realize I had the choice, until I spent some time alone.

The invisible key to my imaginary cage was my will inside me.  It has taken courage and is a continuous  journey and yet the view ahead of me is spectacular.

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