For those who have had issue with narcissists in the workplace. Being humble doesn’t mean allowing others to walk all over you. This can actually go in any situation as people who brag and in ego are always around us in many situations. Narcissists are selling an idea of themselves they have created in their minds all the time , as they are in their ego. They are very insecure people who feel they need to sell you on how great they are in some way as if to convince you. It is attention seeking .
Everyone has an ego but a narcissist is forever talking grandiose, living in a fantasy, trying to appear that fantasy to others by convincing people there is something greater about them. They will put themselves in the poor house for example to impress people that may also have huge egos. It’s a game they play instinctively but the truth is they aren’t being true to themselves.
It could be something like hiding behind a Mercedes Benz or a home they can’t afford just to keep up an appearance . They can’t empathize with others they feel are beneath them even if they are actually on the same level or lower. Their perceptions of things going on around them are off so they don’t get when they do things to cause havoc . They are to into themselves. If it isn’t happening to them then it’s ignored or not important. What’s the big deal attitude. Turn the tables and their car be repossessed in front of colleagues let’s just say and watch the tide turn. They have no empathy compass to understand the real feelings of someone else. They make excuses for them but don’t understand them. It’s not happening to them, therefore they really don’t care.
Can this be taught. A narcissist won’t be able to handle the narcissistic injuring and will blame shift, deflect project, smear you, ignore you or all or a host of other manipulations . They can’t see it in themselves. They don’t have close relationships with people because they have issues with interpersonal relationships and these are only a few of the reasons why. . They don’t and can’t understand this.
They reinvent themselves often to try and fit in as they don’t know who they really are. They live in a perpetual fantasy world blaming others as they can’t handle the shame they may have work to do. How do people in the work place handle this? That is something companies are working on now . Finding the right fit for employees and making strong boundaries of what their tasks are. Managers are managing by keeping an eye out while working along with their teams so they can be aware of the dynamics in the Office.
This can be anywhere. Narcissistic people have a hard time with friendships or any relationships. They really don’t have many if any strong bonds but they like to appear busy and will put themselves in situations to make them appear different. Their narcissistic personality tells them what they need in those moments as it is hard for a narcissistic person to be alone. If for to long the vulnerable self arises and the narcissistic personality can’t handle that. Everyone has vulnerabilities, it is a full picture like a puzzle of someone that determines if they are a true narcissist.
Listen closely , watch, what are your conversations like with people in the office , at a party, at dinner. Do they have friends, family, co-workers they are close with? Do they brag and say things constantly to make themselves feel more important? Examples: Do they attach things , places, people to them in conversation to make themselves appear grand or do they have a genuine way about them? Do they fake confidence in a grandiose way? Do they genuinely appear empathetic to others when they are hurt or upset or does more apathy show? Do they have a sense of understanding of someone’s feelings and why or do they make up something and you realize they didn’t get it? Do they do what they say they will do, do they help or do they pass the buck? Do they push themselves in situations without being asked? Offer advice without being asked? Act like a know it all at all times? Are they dependable ? Do they act busy but busy pretending to be busy?
There are many pieces to the puzzle and they forever change. Once realizing someone is toxic because they aren’t able to self reflect what do you do? It is best to let these people go in honest. With work parties, end of year projects , family events and more it can cause many upsets if dealing with people who aren’t helpful. Learning about ourselves and how these personalities affect us can help with making more rational decisions so emotions don’t take over.
The New year brings new beginnings in every aspect of our lives. How do you see your 2020? I can see changes I am making for my New Year and looking forward to another year. It’s so exciting!
We can forgive our short comings and make changes to progress in our lives without being grandiose like a
Narcissistic type individual. They are to busy mimicking, making excuses, and searching for an identity through others hoping to look better than to do any work.
2020 is a new year! A new you! Any mistakes in 2019, Learn from them , forgive yourself, and move forward.
Red flags are warning bells that go off internally that lets you feel something is wrong. At the start of every relationship people are usually putting their best foot forward. After a few months most people begin to relax more and we can get a better view of who a person really is.
When dating a narcissist there are early warning signs, some are subtle and if not aware you may write those off. If paying attention and not throwing all your cards on the table right from the start of a relationship, you could save yourself some heartache.
What are some of these red flags you could be looking for? There are many but I will list below a few signs to help guide you. If you see one , it doesn’t mean someone is a narcissist . They may be narcissistic and we all have some of the traits. Pay attention to see if there is a pattern.
1.) Always late:
This shows entitlement, superiority, lack of empathy.
2.)Isn’t close with their family nor talks about them much.
3:)Doesn’t have close friends or any that are long standing. May have serious problems with interpersonal relationships with a lack of awareness they have been the problem. Acts like a victim.
4:) Mirrors everything you like or do. May have identity issues and therefore mimics you or tries to enmesh by wanting to do everything with you or that you do.
5.) Incessantly texts, calls, shows up at your house or work uninvited.
Acts jealous about you with others, your accomplishments, always has to one up you.
6.) Seems to rush the relationship. Wants to sleep over every night, move in right away, says I love you quickly, talks of marriage to soon.
7.)Tries to take over your finances , doesn’t want you hanging out with your friends or family, wants you to quit your job and be with them, acts sick all the time so you will cater to them.
8.) Can’t keep a job , moves within jobs often, can’t seem to work with others, talks bad about the people they work with constantly, never seems to have money, or the opposite and over the top extravagant early on.
9.) Talks bad about their ex all the time especially when you are just getting to know them.
10) Likes to gossip about others but pretends to like them to their face.
11.) Seems to always have chaos in their life.
12.) Doesn’t respect your boundaries yet has high expectations of you.
13.) Rude to wait staff, poor tipper, and or flirts with wait staff.
14.) Tells you not to call except for certain hours (may lie and say because of work), Doesn’t give you their number, has more than one phone. Doesn’t answer your calls.
15.) Doesn’t introduce you to their friends , take you out in public, only calls you late night, rushes sex, sends sex texts early on, asks for nude photos, if they run into someone they know with you, they don’t introduce you.
17.) Acts like they told you something they didn’t .
18.) Speaks in circles where they don’t make sense. You are left confused .
19.) Forgets to call or show up when they said they would.
20.) Walks Ahead of you
21) Bad with money but pretends to be successful. In debt but portrays themselves as well off.
22) Changes their identity often. (You may hear this from others)
23) Says they are only seeing you but still on dating sites.
24) Know it all, condescending , puts you down In a joking manner and then says, “Just Kidding.”
25) They show signs of lack of empathy. ( A family member passes, they say, “get over it they are in a better place. “
Laughs at things that aren’t funny (inappropriate)
26) They try to talk you into something that makes you feel uncomfortable.
27) They only consider their time and not yours. It’s all about them and their needs. They don’t consider yours.
28) You feel anxiety with them around and (or )when they aren’t around.
29) Their ex contacts you to warn you, they call them crazy and insanely jealous.
30.) They think they are above the law.
They are superior and won’t get caught. Has magical thinking , sees people as good or bad.
It is best we take our time when dating and really get to know someone. Rushing means we can miss things and a narcissist expects this. They rush things with the idealization phase hoping to love bomb you enough to bond you to them. They know you are loyal and believe in love. They know once you invest enough it will be harder for you to leave. They exploit your good nature (traits)and vulnerabilities.
If you don’t rush into a relationship, you may see consistent signs of a healthy partner or a person that is chaotic and deceitful . If you see patterns of their behavior that leave you questioning , anxiety ridden, and searching for answers, it’s best to reconsider the relationship.
If you create Boundaries and they repeatedly ignore them that is a huge Red Flag.
Not jumping into a relationship after ending one is also a healthy way to heal and tend to your own needs. Needing others to validate our sense of worth puts you in a vulnerable place. It’s better to be alone and getting to know yourself, than in a relationship where you feel alone and lose yourself.
Narcissists are master manipulators as they watch and learn how others are feeling. They use that to their advantage. They can’t relate to your feelings but that can mimic what it looks like.
Online dating sites are a place narcissist love to play. They can find out so much about you through your profile and pretend to be whomever they want. If they try to rush you into meeting them right away without getting to know much about them first , RED FLAG….
Be careful . I know it’s scary as you don’t want to get hurt again. If you create boundaries, know your worth, and don’t give away so much of yourself to soon, you can possibly avoid these types of relationships.
You will attract narcissists with your good traits always but if you hold strong boundaries, they will move on quickly realizing you are not easily controlled and manipulated.