For those who have had issue with narcissists in the workplace. Being humble doesn’t mean allowing others to walk all over you. This can actually go in any situation as people who brag and in ego are always around us in many situations. Narcissists are selling an idea of themselves they have created in their minds all the time , as they are in their ego. They are very insecure people who feel they need to sell you on how great they are in some way as if to convince you. It is attention seeking .

Everyone has an ego but a narcissist is forever talking grandiose, living in a fantasy, trying to appear that fantasy to others by convincing people there is something greater about them. They will put themselves in the poor house for example to impress people that may also have huge egos. It’s a game they play instinctively but the truth is they aren’t being true to themselves.

It could be something like hiding behind a Mercedes Benz or a home they can’t afford just to keep up an appearance . They can’t empathize with others they feel are beneath them even if they are actually on the same level or lower. Their perceptions of things going on around them are off so they don’t get when they do things to cause havoc . They are to into themselves. If it isn’t happening to them then it’s ignored or not important. What’s the big deal attitude. Turn the tables and their car be repossessed in front of colleagues let’s just say and watch the tide turn. They have no empathy compass to understand the real feelings of someone else. They make excuses for them but don’t understand them. It’s not happening to them, therefore they really don’t care.

Can this be taught. A narcissist won’t be able to handle the narcissistic injuring and will blame shift, deflect project, smear you, ignore you or all or a host of other manipulations . They can’t see it in themselves. They don’t have close relationships with people because they have issues with interpersonal relationships and these are only a few of the reasons why. . They don’t and can’t understand this.

They reinvent themselves often to try and fit in as they don’t know who they really are. They live in a perpetual fantasy world blaming others as they can’t handle the shame they may have work to do. How do people in the work place handle this? That is something companies are working on now . Finding the right fit for employees and making strong boundaries of what their tasks are. Managers are managing by keeping an eye out while working along with their teams so they can be aware of the dynamics in the Office.

This can be anywhere. Narcissistic people have a hard time with friendships or any relationships. They really don’t have many if any strong bonds but they like to appear busy and will put themselves in situations to make them appear different. Their narcissistic personality tells them what they need in those moments as it is hard for a narcissistic person to be alone. If for to long the vulnerable self arises and the narcissistic personality can’t handle that. Everyone has vulnerabilities, it is a full picture like a puzzle of someone that determines if they are a true narcissist.

Listen closely , watch, what are your conversations like with people in the office , at a party, at dinner. Do they have friends, family, co-workers they are close with? Do they brag and say things constantly to make themselves feel more important? Examples: Do they attach things , places, people to them in conversation to make themselves appear grand or do they have a genuine way about them? Do they fake confidence in a grandiose way? Do they genuinely appear empathetic to others when they are hurt or upset or does more apathy show? Do they have a sense of understanding of someone’s feelings and why or do they make up something and you realize they didn’t get it? Do they do what they say they will do, do they help or do they pass the buck? Do they push themselves in situations without being asked? Offer advice without being asked? Act like a know it all at all times? Are they dependable ? Do they act busy but busy pretending to be busy?

There are many pieces to the puzzle and they forever change. Once realizing someone is toxic because they aren’t able to self reflect what do you do? It is best to let these people go in honest. With work parties, end of year projects , family events and more it can cause many upsets if dealing with people who aren’t helpful. Learning about ourselves and how these personalities affect us can help with making more rational decisions so emotions don’t take over.

The New year brings new beginnings in every aspect of our lives. How do you see your 2020? I can see changes I am making for my New Year and looking forward to another year. It’s so exciting!

I

We can forgive our short comings and make changes to progress in our lives without being grandiose like a
Narcissistic type individual. They are to busy mimicking, making excuses, and searching for an identity through others hoping to look better than to do any work.

2020 is a new year! A new you! Any mistakes in 2019, Learn from them , forgive yourself, and move forward.

Jennifer Watkins

Jennifer919Watkins@gmail.com