The codependent Dance with a narcissist:

When a codependent finally starts speaking up about their own needs narcissistic people may call them NEEDY. They ignore how much the codependent/empath has done because they have taken it all for-granted. It never occurs to the narcissistic person because they are consumed with their own needs and wants.

A codependent will eventually have their cup so empty they do start speaking up about their own needs and wants. This annoys narcissistic people.
When a codependent/empath isn’t around for the narcissistic person (because they are now taking care of their own needs) it causes a narcissistic injury for a narcissist. They take notice and wonder why the codependent isn’t working properly for them anymore . The narcissist never realizes they expected to much from them in the first place.

A codependent can’t hold their camp together and everyone else’s forever. They run out of steam. A narcissist will then start to complain and the codependent will find themselves over- explaining themselves and hurt.
Once a codependent heals and begins doing things for themselves the relationship starts to unravel and can’t survive . The person that held the ship down(codependent /empath) is now guiding there own.

A narcissist may try to Hoover the codependent back in and this may work for awhile but eventually the relationship ends because the codependent/empath ran out of gas. The narcissist can’t understand because they lack empathy.

A narcissistic relationship will wear you out. You don’t have to be on repeat practically begging for you needs to be met. A narcissist won’t validate you unless you are performing the way they want you to. They will complain and replace you if you start doing your things. You are an appliance to narcissistic people. If the toaster breaks the narcissist throws it out and gets a new one.

It’s ok to do what you need to do for yourself. No need to feel guilty or shame about that.

*Everyone has narcissistic traits. Some are on the lower end of the scale, healthy people are in the middle and narcissistic people are higher up the scale.

Jennifer W.

Narc Shield @YouTube

Have you questioned being in a narcissistic relationship pattern with different people in your life? Do you do everything for everyone but feel your life overwhelmed?

Narcissistic supply and addiction process:

Any kind of attention negative or positive is Narcissistic Supply. Each makes a narcissist feel power and control. If they feel control over you they feel in control with themselves. If you are involved at all with a narcissist no matter what role you play, you are narcissistic supply. Family, romantic partners, coworkers, if you work for them, postman, grocery clerk, friends, etc. are all narcissistic supply.
People think they can’t be controlled but they may not recognize their emotions can be manipulated in subtle ways.

Intermittent reinforcement is used to trauma bond you (make you addicted) to a narcissist. An example: Not showing up for a very important event knowing how important was for you, (wedding, graduation, school play, birthday celebration, )then giving you an expensive gift. They said they would be there but forgot or did something else they wanted instead. It will be a pattern not a one time thing. You will be upset and then happy when they play the savior after. This process is how you become addicted to the cycles of abuse without even realizing. If you were to mention it to others they may give them an excuse and say how kind they were to get you this amazing gift…. You question your judgement because you are being gaslit by the enablers and the narcissist. It seems so minor but if a pattern, it is emotional abuse. This can cause a person to work harder to gain the approval of this person.

Children can feel this after a toxic marriage has ended. Mom or dad is supposed to come get them for a fun trip and don’t show up. The child feels rejected. When they see that parent again the parent gives them something the child wants or needs and the child feels valuable after all. The pattern continues and eventually their self worth is eroded. The child learns they can’t depend on their parent. Inconsistent behavior patterns can confuse people and those with trauma backgrounds can find themselves chasing for love and affection.

Narcissist’s are inconsistent but know if they play on people’s emotions (vulnerability) they can control them. Codependents seek that validation from that person . Cognitive dissonance is in over drive. They see bad and good behavior which is confusing. Their minds don’t want to believe the bad so they romanticize the good. It hurts to face the patterns and easier to take the bread crumbs because the codependent needs to feel approved of by this person.

All of this comes from a need they had in early childhood they did not receive. They go out in life trying to get what they lacked. The same for the narcissist as the two mirror each other. The narcissist needs to control as they couldn’t control their toxic environments as a child. They need to control other peoples emotions to regulate their own.

It’s complex but their is help and people can change if they want to. DBT and talk therapy are helpful . Finding the right therapist or coach who understands these patterns Is very important.

This page is here for information and to show support to who wants it.

I talk about emotional abuse and the dance narcissistic people and codependents share. Both trigger each other and can’t heal one another . The codependent tries to fix and how they themselves control. Unless the two heal on their own they are doomed to have a chaotic relationship . Unfortunately, the chaos is an addiction for both parties. Unless they heal they would be bored to tears in a healthy relationship. They say they want a stable environment but their addicted to chaos and drama.

Doing work on self takes time. Truthfully years. It’s worth it if you want to find true peace, love and happiness. Both people deserve it and were both abused early in life. There is no quick fix. It takes hard work and a willingness to be vulnerable and look within. You can’t fix someone else but you sure can get tools that help in interpersonal relationships if you want it. These tools are now being introduced even in companies when in training. We can’t fix what we ignore. I believe in hope and love .

Until next time I hope this helps even one person. 💜

Jennifer

The Narcissist, Codependent and Empath:

The narcissist has a false self that protects them. Everyone involved in the narcissistic relationship has their own issues to resolve from their past. The co-dependent and or the empath could have easily become a narcissist but took on different coping skills, to deal with their trauma as a child. The co-dependent and or empath will be the ones most likely to seek help after they have gone through enough pain and can heal. The narcissist is not likely to acknowledge they are a narcissist and therefore rarely seek the help they need . If they do, they don’t normally stay in therapy unless forced to by a court order. The co-dependent and or empath are truth seekers and will want answers . They can learn to understand and accept their role in the dynamic to heal the trauma bond and do the healing work they need. The narcissists false self will fight it by blame-shifting, projection, and deflection. They will use manipulative tactics to persuade themselves and others there is nothing wrong with them. They set out to prove it is the other person that needs the help. The ego- self won’t allow them to accept they need help and will convince themselves , they are the victim. This false self is is actually harming them , now as an adult and they can’t see it. This is why a narcissist can’t be cured. All parties in the relationship need to heal their past trauma in order to break the cycle. It is possible with acceptance. Unfortunately, the narcissist can’t admit this to themselves much less anyone else. A narcissist’s uses their time blaming their victims instead of getting help for themselves .

A Narcissist takes things as a personal criticism and that is called, a narcissistic injury. They will actually project the things they do onto others , blaming them. They believe this story they create because they can’t accept they are the person who creates the problems. Narcissist’s are believable because their victims are usually broken by the time anyone becomes aware there are issues in the relationship.

The victims involved with the narcissist can have reactive abuse if it goes on long enough. The narcissist uses this for proof to go along with their story line (smear campaign) because the victim has had enough , then defends themselves. This is very frustrating for the victims because they stayed silent protecting their families, the narcissist’s facade and even themselves, for so long.

It is best not to react to a narcissist. This can be hard because your natural instinct will be to defend yourself. They have been smearing your name long before you knew it and want you to react. This gives the narcissist power over your emotions. A narcissist can play a calm role as the codependent and or empath is usually the one more emotional. The narcissist can play calm (on the outside) because they are manipulating you and everyone purposefully. You are a game piece and they are setting the game up. They know if you react , you will look unstable.

When a victims tries to get help they have a hard time conveying what has been happening to them. The abuse was done so covertly and they stayed silent for so long, they are barely heard. They end up isolating themselves and suffering in silence, as no one believes them. Outsiders may even inadvertently abuse them more, after taking the narcissists side. People become players in the narcissist plan to destroy their victim , for exposing them. This is exactly what the narcissist wants. The narcissist sees the victims they are with , as a threat and will do whatever it takes to prove them, unstable. This is called crazy making as the victim has been gaslit over time.

In the end their victims are so worn out and confused they actually feel crazy , confused and no longer trust their own judgment. Many Victims having no-one to help them or to understand what is going on , sadly commit suicide. CPTSD is also something a victim of prolong abuse deals with.

Many victims of narcissistic abuse are not just emotionally abused but also physically abused. Victims of emotional abuse begin to live in fear of their abusers and can be put in situations where they feel it hard to leave. This leaves any supporters frustrated and wondering, if this person was so horrible why would the victim not leave. This makes people look at the victim as drama seekers and emotional wrecks. The victims are shamed and condemned and the actions of the abusers overlooked and ignored. This is how narcissist’s and sociopaths get away with bad behavior for so long.

Many things go on behind closed doors that people have a hard time understanding unless, they see it for themselves. You may have this abuser on a pedestal and can’t believe they could harm anyone. Think of the O.J. Simpson and the Nicole Brown Simpson case. People don’t want to believe anyone could be so horrible, especially someone so well liked in the community.

You wouldn’t want someone emotionally or physically abusing your pet and they can’t speak for themselves, right? You still will protect your pet and go to bat for them. What if it is your family, friend or co-worker? Spreading awareness about abuse to animals is honorable but why not about your family, your neighbor, your coworker, a human being? The victims of emotional abuse and domestic violence often feel they have no power or voice as they are portrayed the problem, when begging for help. Victim shaming happens before the abuser is proven guilty, in many cases. It takes tremendous courage for victims of abuse to speak out , knowing they will be on trial in the court of public opinion, before their abuser ever is.

It is important to understand what NPD , Narcissistic Personality Disorder really is and not use the word lightly. It is a serious issue when it is a disorder and it can’t be cured. Having awareness helps in having coping skills to deal with it as a community.

Survivors of abuse have a voice but often are afraid to use it, in fear of more abuse. Rape victims have been blamed based on what they wore, as if they deserved to be raped. What kind of thinking is that?Most people today , would try to put someone behind bars if they saw someone beating an animal, that disobeyed their owner. Of course , that isn’t acceptable but it isn’t okay to abuse humans either.

Narcissist’s want everyone to fear them and stay silent so they can continue to take advantage of people. They will steal from the elderly, they will molest your children, they will steal your clients from your company and start their own, they will cheat on you , they will spend your inheritance , your life savings, put you in debt and walk away with no remorse. They will blame you or even society itself. If they are kept accountable and end up in prison, they will either write a book about it bragging, do a a documentary , or kill themselves as a last resort. It’s all about the narcissist to a narcissist . They don’t care about you but they know you will care and make excuses for them . They expect your silence.

A narcissist was a victim of abuse in their youth and why they took on this false identity in the first place. It was their coping skill to handle that abuse . It was helpful as a child but followed into adulthood only harms their interpersonal relationships. The abused became the abuser. The narcissism took over and their is no cure for Narcissistic personality disorder. There is therapy to learn how to cope with it if someone is willing to stay in and accept the diagnosis. This is rare.

Awareness can bring about change if everyone is willing to accept this exists and stops enabling this behavior. Don’t be surprised by narcissist’s eventually making the news for abuse that was hidden for years. You now can be aware of what was going on. It’s called Narcissistic Abuse.

Healing can take place for victims of emotional abuse. No-one should feel alone , there are people that understand. Hopefully, those who haven’t experienced narcissistic abuse won’t. Maybe we can all learn the signs of narcissistic abuse to help keep it from continuing to spread, in our homes and communities.

There is help and I recommend everyone get the knowledge you need to help yourself or others. Find a behavioral therapist in your area to get the therapy you need.

Confronting a narcissist could put you or your loved one in danger. You can call for support before doing anything that could put you in harms way. 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).

Silent no more: 💜

Jennifer
Narc Shield
@YouTube

Surviving narcissistic abuse:

Many people may recognize they are or have been in some kind of narcissistic relationship before. They realize they have stayed on eggshells in hopes to keep the narcissist from turning on them. Many have stayed in these relationships for different reasons. There is no judgement here.

Many people are ashamed, feel guilty, feel they need to be the caregiver, feel they don’t know who they are anymore without the narcissist (enmeshed) and are just surviving each day.

Everyone deserves to be happy , not just the narcissist’s who want what they want and when. Narcissist’s are human and we do have empathy for them but we can’t expect them to have empathy for us. That would be us projecting our feelings onto them which they don’t have. Lowering your expectations of what they can give you and understanding, can help you know it’s not your fault. You can’t change them and that would be trying to control them. We CAN change how we respond.

Getting a support group or talking regularly with a therapist about your feelings is helpful. These people will understand you, a narcissist won’t. Those conversations will only frustrate you with a narcissist. Confronting them can even be dangerous. There are people who do understand and can help you work through your trauma bond.

People who have not recognized they were used by a narcissist or been in a relationship like this , don’t understand. Hopefully they will never experience it as we bring awareness. It is extremely painful. I personally know that pain.
It took me many years to heal from narcissistic abuse. It was the hardest lesson of my life. This lesson helped me to know myself more, to enjoy life to the fullest and most of all to love myself.

Giving to others doesn’t mean ignoring your own needs. You are a person who deserves love and it’s ok to take care of yourself. You don’t have to feel guilty for taking time out for you.

I am here, I understand and millions of people are thinking of you, right now. World Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day is June 1st to help speak out about this type of silent abuse. Your wounds may be hidden but that doesn’t mean they aren’t real.

Sending hugs to all of you who recognize this type of abuse. Thanking all of you who take the time to learn about it and support your loved ones.

You don’t have to be a victim and feel ashamed anymore. You are a survivor of emotional and psychological abuse. 💜

Jennifer Watkins

Narc Shield @YouTube

A Narcissist needs to control every situation:

Telling a narcissist they hurt or disrespected you and how that made you feel, causes a narcissistic injury for a narcissist. They need to soothe that by deflecting, blame-
shifting and projecting. The narcissist changes the subject by projecting what you said, right back onto you. They say , “you have hurt them and don’t see how it has affected them.” This is a narcissist showing their lack of empathy for your feelings, taking zero accountability , blame-shifting, deflecting, feeling self entitled and now playing the victim.
The narcissist redirected the conversation and you are left confused, frustrated, maybe upset, maybe said,”sorry,” feel shamed, and guilted.

The only resolve was the Narcissist needed to take control back, as they perceived you were trying to control them and needed to regain control back over you/the-situation. The narcissist feels better and you feel worse. Now you are being punished for approaching them to (fix) something (them, as they see it) in the first place.
A narcissist is supposed to be perfect and you trying to reason with them means to them, you think they are not.

You are now devalued and the focus of their smear campaign because they have Split Thinking. You are either good or bad and they see you as bad after this. Nothing you can say will fix this as they decide when or if they change their mind. They control that not you.

A narcissist creates chaos and blames you. You can’t reason with the unreasonable. Forget it, walk away with your sanity or stick around to feel insane. This is how they control your mind and emotions. They see things differently than most of the population because it is how they are wired. You can’t change it but you can change how you deal with them.

Please like and share to spread awareness.

World Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day is June 1st.
Help spread awareness .

Jennifer
Narc Shield
@YouTube

ifmywoundswerevisible #narcissist

Narcissist’s and boundaries:

Narcissist’s don’t know boundaries. They can upset people with giving their opinion or advice when nobody asks. This is crossing personal boundaries but a narcissist feels entitled to do this. They may make huge mistakes in their own lives but in your life they feel they are smarter. They may say you are terrible with money but in their own life they are. This is called projection. They blame you for what they really do. They cross boundaries when they are trying to run your life. They feel superior and entitled but it’s not ok. Narcissist’s spend more time poking their noses in other peoples business and less time working on themselves. They make excuses for everything, blame everyone for their issues and play the victim when they create the chaos. They can’t see it no matter what you say. They are very unhappy people who pretend they have it together. It makes them feel good to point out your flaws, so they don’t have time to look at and work on their own. They will kick and scream as you create a boundary basically saying,“back off.” You will be so horrible (not really) and they will tell everyone how disrespectful and hurtful you are. Projection again and the smear campaign. They may have yes men all around them to tell you that you are the problem. This can drive you nuts if you let it. That is called gaslighting . Create the boundary, close the door , don’t open it and let them have their lengthy pity party. Enjoy your day and don’t answer the phone. They will move on to someone else in due course. For now they are focused on how awful you are…. It’s not about you, it’s about them. They can’t see it but you can . Don’t let their feelings, they see as facts manipulate your life. They will try to cross your boundaries with many manipulative tactics . Hold your boundaries. Don’t give in.

Jennifer

Narc Shield on YouTube

Sharing Awareness on Narcissistic Abuse:

World Narcissistic Abuse Awareness day is June 1st. I am one of thousands of people bringing awareness about emotional abuse this year. This will be my 5th year sharing information to the public.

It’s important to spread awareness, especially now that the word narcissist has become sort of a buzz word. This can take away from what narcissistic abuse is when everyone is labeled a narcissist. Each person has narcissistic traits and some more than others but that is called narcissism and doesn’t mean someone is a narcissist.

Having awareness can help people going through narcissistic abuse recognize the signs and seek help. Going to a behavioral therapist or someone who specializes in personality disorders can help you.

Not all therapist specialize within personality disorders and can think that teaching autonomy techniques will be helpful. This is not true when you are dealing with someone who has narcissistic personality disorder. Many people with npd have a coexisting diagnosis along with it. That is why it is considered a cluster B and a disorder. Narcissist’s do not respond to therapy in the way many other people do. It’s important to understand this and find a therapist who specialize and understand the cluster b’s.

A narcissist or (antisocial personality) also known as sociopath, sees life through a different lens than most of the world. Their perceptions of things will be completely opposite of yours and theirs have to be right. This makes it difficult to resolve issues with someone like this as saying sorry isn’t in their vocabulary . They are right and you are wrong. If you try and reason with a person like this, they will take it you see them as wrong. Therefore, nothing you try to compromise with works. They don’t compromise. They may reset and sweep things under a rug to ignore but they never compromise.

Most not all people that are in any kind of closer relationship with a narcissist are co-dependents . Learning about codependency can help victims of abuse heal. It’s important to understand yourself and grow. It is just as important for you to understand the abuse wasn’t your fault. Victims blame themselves for the abuse often.

Victims are often blamed and excuses made for the abusers. This enables (gives the abuser a self entitled attitude) the narcissistic person to continue the abuse of others. Examples would be: Harvey Weinstein, Jeffrey Epstein , Matt Lauer and so many more. I can’t diagnose these people because I am not licensed. (Only aware) They are great examples of showing highly narcissistic traits and how they got away with abusing their power for decades. Their victims were ignored, blamed, shamed, and excuses made for the people that abused them for years. This is why victims of abuse are afraid to speak out openly . They hide behind shame and guilt because it’s hard for society to look at these issues. These survivors are not weak but truly courageous who do speak out. Survivors know they can be victimized again if people choose not to believe them .

Narcissist’s can play the victim to hurt someone and so it’s important to know the signs, be aware, and not let them manipulate you, your family, society anymore. They can be hard to spot and masters at brainwashing people. They know their preys weaknesses and rely on this to puppet their victims. This gives them more power to continue to their prime aims.

You may believe you could never be duped by a person but 1 in five people (maybe more) are a narcissist around you. They are people and they do feel misunderstood. They don’t understand why people don’t get them as remember, they are always right. They are people we will be in contact with but if you don’t hold strong boundaries and keep them, you could fall prey to their abuse. (Npd is not gender specific.)
(Watch Dirty John on Netflix)

Narcissist’s/sociopaths can’t stand boundaries. Those are meant to be broken when they need them to be and put in place when it works for them . Narcissist’s are inconsistent and keep you on your toes questioning your own judgment of events. You will be considered the bad person for placing up a boundary to protect yourself but you must.

Sometimes you have to walk away from social circles, family, jobs, and more to get away from the toxic environment. This can feel uncomfortable, lonely, scary and more. Learning more about how to cope with your own triggers can help you move forward into a healthier space in your life. A narcissist won’t be attracted to a person long that holds strong firm boundaries. They will move on to their next victim .

I hope you will join me and so many others in bringing awareness about emotional abuse. Being a support to someone who is trying to get help can save a persons life. Gaining awareness for yourself can help you move on. You are not alone.

World Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day is June 1st.

Jennifer
@Narcshield on YouTube

The Narcissist see’s things differently.

A narcissist sees life through a completely different lens than most people. It can be very frustrating because their perceptions can be so off base. You may try reasoning with them but it doesn’t ever work. What it does for them is amp them up. This gives them fuel to project onto you how they really feel about themselves on a core level. They don’t understand this as it is deep rooted. It has nothing to do with you. It may feel like it because it’s directed at you but it is more about them and their low self esteem and low self worth. They don’t do the work it takes to get healthy so stay inwardly miserable . To feel better you or someone has to be worse. They need this to soothe their own self hate.

A narcissist will always have a target of someone or something to project all kinds of negativity onto. You may be bewildered as they recreate history, recreate how events happened, say you said what they actually said,smear you to anyone who will listen, play the victim etc, etc, etc. This is so they aren’t accountable and take responsibility for their actions or their own life. They need to feel better than so they need to put you or someone down.

People with empathy can eventually get sick of this and their empathy lowers in situations to protect themselves. You retreat away from the antagonist and then they scream they are allienated. They can’t see they are their own worst enemy. They will smear you in hopes to be enabled for their bad behavior. This makes them feel more powerful and so they unleash more onto you.
Stay away from people who do this to you. It’s abuse.

These people cross every boundary you can make for yourself just to get you upset to then play victim for attention. It is called crazy making or gaslighting. It is emotional abuse which is narcissistic abuse. It is meant to destabilize you so they gain power over your emotions , your mind, and control you or an outcome. Don’t be a puppet and enable this. It will affect your life, it will hurt you , it will cause so much lasting damage.

Narcissist’s don’t have real close friendships, they are users , they take advantage of those closets to them. They expect to be treated like they are overly special or else. They may give but they expect something in return. (Adoration)

They feel smarter than everyone else and will say so. They are insensitive to how they treat other people but will feel abused by you if you create and hold your boundaries. They see this as you hurting and abusing them because they don’t have control and power over you. They need that so go to others to manipulate them to get that power back which soothes their anxiety . It nothing you can fix. Ever…..

You must walk away and it may hurt, it may be hard but sticking around means it will never stop… Ever.

You have the choice. It may seem hard but you have more power than you realize. You don’t deserve abuse of any kind. You don’t have to be in a relationship with anyone who abused you. Anyone…. Don’t let people shame or guilt you into believing you do.

Don’t take things personally, create distance away from the narcissistic person, make sure to create and hold your boundaries, and advocate for yourself.

Jennifer Watkins