The Narcissist, Codependent and Empath:

The narcissist has a false self that protects them. Everyone involved in the narcissistic relationship has their own issues to resolve from their past. The co-dependent and or the empath could have easily become a narcissist but took on different coping skills, to deal with their trauma as a child. The co-dependent and or empath will be the ones most likely to seek help after they have gone through enough pain and can heal. The narcissist is not likely to acknowledge they are a narcissist and therefore rarely seek the help they need . If they do, they don’t normally stay in therapy unless forced to by a court order. The co-dependent and or empath are truth seekers and will want answers . They can learn to understand and accept their role in the dynamic to heal the trauma bond and do the healing work they need. The narcissists false self will fight it by blame-shifting, projection, and deflection. They will use manipulative tactics to persuade themselves and others there is nothing wrong with them. They set out to prove it is the other person that needs the help. The ego- self won’t allow them to accept they need help and will convince themselves , they are the victim. This false self is is actually harming them , now as an adult and they can’t see it. This is why a narcissist can’t be cured. All parties in the relationship need to heal their past trauma in order to break the cycle. It is possible with acceptance. Unfortunately, the narcissist can’t admit this to themselves much less anyone else. A narcissist’s uses their time blaming their victims instead of getting help for themselves .

A Narcissist takes things as a personal criticism and that is called, a narcissistic injury. They will actually project the things they do onto others , blaming them. They believe this story they create because they can’t accept they are the person who creates the problems. Narcissist’s are believable because their victims are usually broken by the time anyone becomes aware there are issues in the relationship.

The victims involved with the narcissist can have reactive abuse if it goes on long enough. The narcissist uses this for proof to go along with their story line (smear campaign) because the victim has had enough , then defends themselves. This is very frustrating for the victims because they stayed silent protecting their families, the narcissist’s facade and even themselves, for so long.

It is best not to react to a narcissist. This can be hard because your natural instinct will be to defend yourself. They have been smearing your name long before you knew it and want you to react. This gives the narcissist power over your emotions. A narcissist can play a calm role as the codependent and or empath is usually the one more emotional. The narcissist can play calm (on the outside) because they are manipulating you and everyone purposefully. You are a game piece and they are setting the game up. They know if you react , you will look unstable.

When a victims tries to get help they have a hard time conveying what has been happening to them. The abuse was done so covertly and they stayed silent for so long, they are barely heard. They end up isolating themselves and suffering in silence, as no one believes them. Outsiders may even inadvertently abuse them more, after taking the narcissists side. People become players in the narcissist plan to destroy their victim , for exposing them. This is exactly what the narcissist wants. The narcissist sees the victims they are with , as a threat and will do whatever it takes to prove them, unstable. This is called crazy making as the victim has been gaslit over time.

In the end their victims are so worn out and confused they actually feel crazy , confused and no longer trust their own judgment. Many Victims having no-one to help them or to understand what is going on , sadly commit suicide. CPTSD is also something a victim of prolong abuse deals with.

Many victims of narcissistic abuse are not just emotionally abused but also physically abused. Victims of emotional abuse begin to live in fear of their abusers and can be put in situations where they feel it hard to leave. This leaves any supporters frustrated and wondering, if this person was so horrible why would the victim not leave. This makes people look at the victim as drama seekers and emotional wrecks. The victims are shamed and condemned and the actions of the abusers overlooked and ignored. This is how narcissist’s and sociopaths get away with bad behavior for so long.

Many things go on behind closed doors that people have a hard time understanding unless, they see it for themselves. You may have this abuser on a pedestal and can’t believe they could harm anyone. Think of the O.J. Simpson and the Nicole Brown Simpson case. People don’t want to believe anyone could be so horrible, especially someone so well liked in the community.

You wouldn’t want someone emotionally or physically abusing your pet and they can’t speak for themselves, right? You still will protect your pet and go to bat for them. What if it is your family, friend or co-worker? Spreading awareness about abuse to animals is honorable but why not about your family, your neighbor, your coworker, a human being? The victims of emotional abuse and domestic violence often feel they have no power or voice as they are portrayed the problem, when begging for help. Victim shaming happens before the abuser is proven guilty, in many cases. It takes tremendous courage for victims of abuse to speak out , knowing they will be on trial in the court of public opinion, before their abuser ever is.

It is important to understand what NPD , Narcissistic Personality Disorder really is and not use the word lightly. It is a serious issue when it is a disorder and it can’t be cured. Having awareness helps in having coping skills to deal with it as a community.

Survivors of abuse have a voice but often are afraid to use it, in fear of more abuse. Rape victims have been blamed based on what they wore, as if they deserved to be raped. What kind of thinking is that?Most people today , would try to put someone behind bars if they saw someone beating an animal, that disobeyed their owner. Of course , that isn’t acceptable but it isn’t okay to abuse humans either.

Narcissist’s want everyone to fear them and stay silent so they can continue to take advantage of people. They will steal from the elderly, they will molest your children, they will steal your clients from your company and start their own, they will cheat on you , they will spend your inheritance , your life savings, put you in debt and walk away with no remorse. They will blame you or even society itself. If they are kept accountable and end up in prison, they will either write a book about it bragging, do a a documentary , or kill themselves as a last resort. It’s all about the narcissist to a narcissist . They don’t care about you but they know you will care and make excuses for them . They expect your silence.

A narcissist was a victim of abuse in their youth and why they took on this false identity in the first place. It was their coping skill to handle that abuse . It was helpful as a child but followed into adulthood only harms their interpersonal relationships. The abused became the abuser. The narcissism took over and their is no cure for Narcissistic personality disorder. There is therapy to learn how to cope with it if someone is willing to stay in and accept the diagnosis. This is rare.

Awareness can bring about change if everyone is willing to accept this exists and stops enabling this behavior. Don’t be surprised by narcissist’s eventually making the news for abuse that was hidden for years. You now can be aware of what was going on. It’s called Narcissistic Abuse.

Healing can take place for victims of emotional abuse. No-one should feel alone , there are people that understand. Hopefully, those who haven’t experienced narcissistic abuse won’t. Maybe we can all learn the signs of narcissistic abuse to help keep it from continuing to spread, in our homes and communities.

There is help and I recommend everyone get the knowledge you need to help yourself or others. Find a behavioral therapist in your area to get the therapy you need.

Confronting a narcissist could put you or your loved one in danger. You can call for support before doing anything that could put you in harms way. 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).

Silent no more: 💜

Jennifer
Narc Shield
@YouTube

Surviving narcissistic abuse:

Many people may recognize they are or have been in some kind of narcissistic relationship before. They realize they have stayed on eggshells in hopes to keep the narcissist from turning on them. Many have stayed in these relationships for different reasons. There is no judgement here.

Many people are ashamed, feel guilty, feel they need to be the caregiver, feel they don’t know who they are anymore without the narcissist (enmeshed) and are just surviving each day.

Everyone deserves to be happy , not just the narcissist’s who want what they want and when. Narcissist’s are human and we do have empathy for them but we can’t expect them to have empathy for us. That would be us projecting our feelings onto them which they don’t have. Lowering your expectations of what they can give you and understanding, can help you know it’s not your fault. You can’t change them and that would be trying to control them. We CAN change how we respond.

Getting a support group or talking regularly with a therapist about your feelings is helpful. These people will understand you, a narcissist won’t. Those conversations will only frustrate you with a narcissist. Confronting them can even be dangerous. There are people who do understand and can help you work through your trauma bond.

People who have not recognized they were used by a narcissist or been in a relationship like this , don’t understand. Hopefully they will never experience it as we bring awareness. It is extremely painful. I personally know that pain.
It took me many years to heal from narcissistic abuse. It was the hardest lesson of my life. This lesson helped me to know myself more, to enjoy life to the fullest and most of all to love myself.

Giving to others doesn’t mean ignoring your own needs. You are a person who deserves love and it’s ok to take care of yourself. You don’t have to feel guilty for taking time out for you.

I am here, I understand and millions of people are thinking of you, right now. World Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day is June 1st to help speak out about this type of silent abuse. Your wounds may be hidden but that doesn’t mean they aren’t real.

Sending hugs to all of you who recognize this type of abuse. Thanking all of you who take the time to learn about it and support your loved ones.

You don’t have to be a victim and feel ashamed anymore. You are a survivor of emotional and psychological abuse. 💜

Jennifer Watkins

Narc Shield @YouTube

Narcissist’s and boundaries:

Narcissist’s don’t know boundaries. They can upset people with giving their opinion or advice when nobody asks. This is crossing personal boundaries but a narcissist feels entitled to do this. They may make huge mistakes in their own lives but in your life they feel they are smarter. They may say you are terrible with money but in their own life they are. This is called projection. They blame you for what they really do. They cross boundaries when they are trying to run your life. They feel superior and entitled but it’s not ok. Narcissist’s spend more time poking their noses in other peoples business and less time working on themselves. They make excuses for everything, blame everyone for their issues and play the victim when they create the chaos. They can’t see it no matter what you say. They are very unhappy people who pretend they have it together. It makes them feel good to point out your flaws, so they don’t have time to look at and work on their own. They will kick and scream as you create a boundary basically saying,“back off.” You will be so horrible (not really) and they will tell everyone how disrespectful and hurtful you are. Projection again and the smear campaign. They may have yes men all around them to tell you that you are the problem. This can drive you nuts if you let it. That is called gaslighting . Create the boundary, close the door , don’t open it and let them have their lengthy pity party. Enjoy your day and don’t answer the phone. They will move on to someone else in due course. For now they are focused on how awful you are…. It’s not about you, it’s about them. They can’t see it but you can . Don’t let their feelings, they see as facts manipulate your life. They will try to cross your boundaries with many manipulative tactics . Hold your boundaries. Don’t give in.

Jennifer

Narc Shield on YouTube