Tag: #selfhelp #healingfromnarcissisticabuse

The codependent Dance with a narcissist:

~ Paintbrushnhand ~ Leave a comment

When a codependent finally starts speaking up about their own needs narcissistic people may call them NEEDY. They ignore how much the codependent/empath has done because they have taken it all for-granted. It never occurs to the narcissistic person because they are consumed with their own needs and wants.

A codependent will eventually have their cup so empty they do start speaking up about their own needs and wants. This annoys narcissistic people.
When a codependent/empath isn’t around for the narcissistic person (because they are now taking care of their own needs) it causes a narcissistic injury for a narcissist. They take notice and wonder why the codependent isn’t working properly for them anymore . The narcissist never realizes they expected to much from them in the first place.

A codependent can’t hold their camp together and everyone else’s forever. They run out of steam. A narcissist will then start to complain and the codependent will find themselves over- explaining themselves and hurt.
Once a codependent heals and begins doing things for themselves the relationship starts to unravel and can’t survive . The person that held the ship down(codependent /empath) is now guiding there own.

A narcissist may try to Hoover the codependent back in and this may work for awhile but eventually the relationship ends because the codependent/empath ran out of gas. The narcissist can’t understand because they lack empathy.

A narcissistic relationship will wear you out. You don’t have to be on repeat practically begging for you needs to be met. A narcissist won’t validate you unless you are performing the way they want you to. They will complain and replace you if you start doing your things. You are an appliance to narcissistic people. If the toaster breaks the narcissist throws it out and gets a new one.

It’s ok to do what you need to do for yourself. No need to feel guilty or shame about that.

*Everyone has narcissistic traits. Some are on the lower end of the scale, healthy people are in the middle and narcissistic people are higher up the scale.

Jennifer W.

Narc Shield @YouTube

Have you questioned being in a narcissistic relationship pattern with different people in your life? Do you do everything for everyone but feel your life overwhelmed?

A Narcissist needs to control every situation:

~ Paintbrushnhand ~ Leave a comment

Telling a narcissist they hurt or disrespected you and how that made you feel, causes a narcissistic injury for a narcissist. They need to soothe that by deflecting, blame-
shifting and projecting. The narcissist changes the subject by projecting what you said, right back onto you. They say , “you have hurt them and don’t see how it has affected them.” This is a narcissist showing their lack of empathy for your feelings, taking zero accountability , blame-shifting, deflecting, feeling self entitled and now playing the victim.
The narcissist redirected the conversation and you are left confused, frustrated, maybe upset, maybe said,”sorry,” feel shamed, and guilted.

The only resolve was the Narcissist needed to take control back, as they perceived you were trying to control them and needed to regain control back over you/the-situation. The narcissist feels better and you feel worse. Now you are being punished for approaching them to (fix) something (them, as they see it) in the first place.
A narcissist is supposed to be perfect and you trying to reason with them means to them, you think they are not.

You are now devalued and the focus of their smear campaign because they have Split Thinking. You are either good or bad and they see you as bad after this. Nothing you can say will fix this as they decide when or if they change their mind. They control that not you.

A narcissist creates chaos and blames you. You can’t reason with the unreasonable. Forget it, walk away with your sanity or stick around to feel insane. This is how they control your mind and emotions. They see things differently than most of the population because it is how they are wired. You can’t change it but you can change how you deal with them.

Please like and share to spread awareness.

World Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day is June 1st.
Help spread awareness .

Jennifer
Narc Shield
@YouTube

ifmywoundswerevisible #narcissist

Narcissist’s and boundaries:

~ Paintbrushnhand ~ Leave a comment

Narcissist’s don’t know boundaries. They can upset people with giving their opinion or advice when nobody asks. This is crossing personal boundaries but a narcissist feels entitled to do this. They may make huge mistakes in their own lives but in your life they feel they are smarter. They may say you are terrible with money but in their own life they are. This is called projection. They blame you for what they really do. They cross boundaries when they are trying to run your life. They feel superior and entitled but it’s not ok. Narcissist’s spend more time poking their noses in other peoples business and less time working on themselves. They make excuses for everything, blame everyone for their issues and play the victim when they create the chaos. They can’t see it no matter what you say. They are very unhappy people who pretend they have it together. It makes them feel good to point out your flaws, so they don’t have time to look at and work on their own. They will kick and scream as you create a boundary basically saying,“back off.” You will be so horrible (not really) and they will tell everyone how disrespectful and hurtful you are. Projection again and the smear campaign. They may have yes men all around them to tell you that you are the problem. This can drive you nuts if you let it. That is called gaslighting . Create the boundary, close the door , don’t open it and let them have their lengthy pity party. Enjoy your day and don’t answer the phone. They will move on to someone else in due course. For now they are focused on how awful you are…. It’s not about you, it’s about them. They can’t see it but you can . Don’t let their feelings, they see as facts manipulate your life. They will try to cross your boundaries with many manipulative tactics . Hold your boundaries. Don’t give in.

Jennifer

Narc Shield on YouTube

Sharing Awareness on Narcissistic Abuse:

~ Paintbrushnhand ~ Leave a comment

World Narcissistic Abuse Awareness day is June 1st. I am one of thousands of people bringing awareness about emotional abuse this year. This will be my 5th year sharing information to the public.

It’s important to spread awareness, especially now that the word narcissist has become sort of a buzz word. This can take away from what narcissistic abuse is when everyone is labeled a narcissist. Each person has narcissistic traits and some more than others but that is called narcissism and doesn’t mean someone is a narcissist.

Having awareness can help people going through narcissistic abuse recognize the signs and seek help. Going to a behavioral therapist or someone who specializes in personality disorders can help you.

Not all therapist specialize within personality disorders and can think that teaching autonomy techniques will be helpful. This is not true when you are dealing with someone who has narcissistic personality disorder. Many people with npd have a coexisting diagnosis along with it. That is why it is considered a cluster B and a disorder. Narcissist’s do not respond to therapy in the way many other people do. It’s important to understand this and find a therapist who specialize and understand the cluster b’s.

A narcissist or (antisocial personality) also known as sociopath, sees life through a different lens than most of the world. Their perceptions of things will be completely opposite of yours and theirs have to be right. This makes it difficult to resolve issues with someone like this as saying sorry isn’t in their vocabulary . They are right and you are wrong. If you try and reason with a person like this, they will take it you see them as wrong. Therefore, nothing you try to compromise with works. They don’t compromise. They may reset and sweep things under a rug to ignore but they never compromise.

Most not all people that are in any kind of closer relationship with a narcissist are co-dependents . Learning about codependency can help victims of abuse heal. It’s important to understand yourself and grow. It is just as important for you to understand the abuse wasn’t your fault. Victims blame themselves for the abuse often.

Victims are often blamed and excuses made for the abusers. This enables (gives the abuser a self entitled attitude) the narcissistic person to continue the abuse of others. Examples would be: Harvey Weinstein, Jeffrey Epstein , Matt Lauer and so many more. I can’t diagnose these people because I am not licensed. (Only aware) They are great examples of showing highly narcissistic traits and how they got away with abusing their power for decades. Their victims were ignored, blamed, shamed, and excuses made for the people that abused them for years. This is why victims of abuse are afraid to speak out openly . They hide behind shame and guilt because it’s hard for society to look at these issues. These survivors are not weak but truly courageous who do speak out. Survivors know they can be victimized again if people choose not to believe them .

Narcissist’s can play the victim to hurt someone and so it’s important to know the signs, be aware, and not let them manipulate you, your family, society anymore. They can be hard to spot and masters at brainwashing people. They know their preys weaknesses and rely on this to puppet their victims. This gives them more power to continue to their prime aims.

You may believe you could never be duped by a person but 1 in five people (maybe more) are a narcissist around you. They are people and they do feel misunderstood. They don’t understand why people don’t get them as remember, they are always right. They are people we will be in contact with but if you don’t hold strong boundaries and keep them, you could fall prey to their abuse. (Npd is not gender specific.)
(Watch Dirty John on Netflix)

Narcissist’s/sociopaths can’t stand boundaries. Those are meant to be broken when they need them to be and put in place when it works for them . Narcissist’s are inconsistent and keep you on your toes questioning your own judgment of events. You will be considered the bad person for placing up a boundary to protect yourself but you must.

Sometimes you have to walk away from social circles, family, jobs, and more to get away from the toxic environment. This can feel uncomfortable, lonely, scary and more. Learning more about how to cope with your own triggers can help you move forward into a healthier space in your life. A narcissist won’t be attracted to a person long that holds strong firm boundaries. They will move on to their next victim .

I hope you will join me and so many others in bringing awareness about emotional abuse. Being a support to someone who is trying to get help can save a persons life. Gaining awareness for yourself can help you move on. You are not alone.

World Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day is June 1st.

Jennifer
@Narcshield on YouTube

The Narcissist see’s things differently.

~ Paintbrushnhand ~ Leave a comment

A narcissist sees life through a completely different lens than most people. It can be very frustrating because their perceptions can be so off base. You may try reasoning with them but it doesn’t ever work. What it does for them is amp them up. This gives them fuel to project onto you how they really feel about themselves on a core level. They don’t understand this as it is deep rooted. It has nothing to do with you. It may feel like it because it’s directed at you but it is more about them and their low self esteem and low self worth. They don’t do the work it takes to get healthy so stay inwardly miserable . To feel better you or someone has to be worse. They need this to soothe their own self hate.

A narcissist will always have a target of someone or something to project all kinds of negativity onto. You may be bewildered as they recreate history, recreate how events happened, say you said what they actually said,smear you to anyone who will listen, play the victim etc, etc, etc. This is so they aren’t accountable and take responsibility for their actions or their own life. They need to feel better than so they need to put you or someone down.

People with empathy can eventually get sick of this and their empathy lowers in situations to protect themselves. You retreat away from the antagonist and then they scream they are allienated. They can’t see they are their own worst enemy. They will smear you in hopes to be enabled for their bad behavior. This makes them feel more powerful and so they unleash more onto you.
Stay away from people who do this to you. It’s abuse.

These people cross every boundary you can make for yourself just to get you upset to then play victim for attention. It is called crazy making or gaslighting. It is emotional abuse which is narcissistic abuse. It is meant to destabilize you so they gain power over your emotions , your mind, and control you or an outcome. Don’t be a puppet and enable this. It will affect your life, it will hurt you , it will cause so much lasting damage.

Narcissist’s don’t have real close friendships, they are users , they take advantage of those closets to them. They expect to be treated like they are overly special or else. They may give but they expect something in return. (Adoration)

They feel smarter than everyone else and will say so. They are insensitive to how they treat other people but will feel abused by you if you create and hold your boundaries. They see this as you hurting and abusing them because they don’t have control and power over you. They need that so go to others to manipulate them to get that power back which soothes their anxiety . It nothing you can fix. Ever…..

You must walk away and it may hurt, it may be hard but sticking around means it will never stop… Ever.

You have the choice. It may seem hard but you have more power than you realize. You don’t deserve abuse of any kind. You don’t have to be in a relationship with anyone who abused you. Anyone…. Don’t let people shame or guilt you into believing you do.

Don’t take things personally, create distance away from the narcissistic person, make sure to create and hold your boundaries, and advocate for yourself.

Jennifer Watkins